One hit wonder

I have a new blog.  A fancy new one created as a space to write about my writing.  It has a beautiful design and is sitting there (over at Wordpress) all ready to be posted upon.  However, Wordpress never seems to like me much and gives me nothing but endless problems. And I have a few things to say about my writing of late.....so, here I am back at "From My Catholic Perspective" where I thought I'd never be again...

To talk about one hit wonders.

One hit wonders-- those fabulous chart topping songs that everyone loves and everyone sings.  Those amazingly successful, incredibly popular songs by artists that no one has heard of before and no one ever hears from again.  

I'm sure there has never been a musician who has aspired to become a one hit wonder. Sure, it is better than a no-hit failure....... but not much.

I wrote a novel a few years ago.  It was great.   Writing it was great.  Editing it was great.  Publishing it was great and reviews of it were, for the most part, pretty great.  So I wrote another novel and then another.   

My second novel was terrible.  So terrible, in fact, that I never finished the job of editing it.  A few thousand words into my read-through of it told me, it was not worth pursuing further.  

My third novel was much more fun to write than the second.  The story seemed better, the plot clearer, the characters better developed.  However- the editing process feels eeriely familiar to story #2.  There are so many things that need to be fixed and I am not sure what the best way to go about fixing it all is.  Should I re-write the entire first half of the book?  Should I change the basic premise of the story?  Should I make my characters totally different?  Should I keep going with the story as it is and just clean up the grammatical errors, not worrying that parts of it just don't sit well with me?

As I have pondered all these questions, I have also wondered- Am I the writing equivalent of a one hit wonder?  Maybe my first novel was a fluke thing.  Maybe I can't follow it up.  Maybe I am not all that talented as a writer.

And if all these things are true-- Can I live with hanging up my writer's hat, so to speak, and just being content to have had that one success? Is it okay to give up one's dreams after having just a tiny taste of those dreams coming true?!?!??!?!?

Our first of day of school!

            When I was a kid, I used to start anticipating the first day of school a few weeks before it was actually upon me.   My anticipation was not full of joy or excitement but instead, dread and anxiety.  I remember quite clearly, the butterflies that filled my stomach and the “what ifs?” that filled my mind as the day drew nearer and nearer.  What if I don’t like my new teacher?  What if I don’t have any friends in my class?  What if I can’t to rise to the standards of a new grade with greater expectations and a more difficult workload than ever before?

            

            I always did well in school.  I got good grades and I got along with all my teachers.   My fears were proven irrational and remained unsubstantiated year after year.  Yet, each new year, I fretted all over again. 

Following my graduation from high school, I thought that my first day anxieties were finally behind me forever.   And until this year, that has been true. 

I’ve home schooled my children fairly successfully for eight years now.  And like in my youth, I’ve anticipated the beginning of every year starting a few weeks before the first day was actually upon us.  Thankfully, I have anticipated each home school year with optimism and excitement.  Until now….

This year is the first year I have felt reminiscent of my old attitude towards the first day of school.  This year I have been nervous and worried about home schooling.  I have worried I could not rise to challenge again.  I have worried that my lingering feelings of burn out from last year would prevent me from being patient and motivated.  I have worried I just don’t have it in me to face third grade again, and fifth grade again, and seventh grade again, and pre-school (at home with me) and high school for the first time.

Today the first day is upon us though!  For weeks, I have been praying and praying and praying for this school year to be successful and peaceful.

In the past, like for New Year’s Day, I have made resolutions for the beginning of the school year.  This year, instead of resolutions, I am focusing on one word as a theme for our new school year.  My word for this school year is “balance.”  I will pray for and seek a balance

• between structure –and- flexibility,
• between projects and activities that are enjoyable and uncomplicated –and- hard work that challenges and stretches us,
• between time devoted to and focused completely on educating my children –and- time for myself, to catch my breath, to sit in silence before the Lord and allow my soul to be fed, to do the things I enjoy (like blogging!). 

So far, so good!  Our first day went well.  We achieved our goals for the day and found the balance we needed today.   We'll tackle tomorrow when it comes.  :)  

             My plan is to take things one day at a time and to continue to rely more on prayer this year.  I’m very hopeful that, like in my youth, my anxiety for the past few weeks will prove completely unfounded and my worry-filled “what ifs” will never materialize.

Making the most of Lent by relying on God's plans

           Its Lent- solidly the middle of Lent- and I guess maybe my chosen sacrifices were not quite enough to really advance my relationship with God to a place of deeper appreciation, love, trust, dependence…. But, God is always willing to help me out.   His call to greater things always seems to include lots of opportunities to practice them.

            I pray for more patience- God obliges with heavy traffic, over tired kids, the phone ringing off the hook while I am trying to work through difficult math concepts with my not very mathematical 4th grader.  Voila- instant opportunity to practice patience!

            So its Lent and I know that Lent is really about growing closer to Christ.  But, even with my very intentional Lenten undertakings- there are obstacles to holiness in my life.  I still struggle to really put Christ at the center of my life and to trust completely.  

            God is blessing me with a lot of supernatural help.  

First, our computer got a virus last week.  Too much time on the internet?  The computer distracting me from serving God more faithfully?  He’s got a solution for that! 

Now, as far as viruses go, we were very lucky.  It did not wipe out our computer’s entire memory.  I did not lose the pictures from Christmas or my children’s birthdays that were not backed up on a disc yet.   And I was still able to access the internet - sort of.  But the computer was not quite right and every time I started to do something on it, it would start to act up.  Tim worked on it a lot over the weekend and the virus is apparently gone but the computer is still not back to normal yet.   But, I have spent a lot less time on it lately.

Then (and this one I knew was coming, of course) Tim resigned his position as youth minister at our parish.  He has been a youth minister for nearly five years, but the last two years it has been his part time job, which he has done in addition to a full time job (and taking online courses to get his master’s degree).  He and I have talked about it a lot this year and prayed about it a lot.  Together we discerned that it was time to move on from youth ministry.  

Ministry is such a rewarding endeavor but when it becomes nearly impossible to put your whole heart and soul into it, the challenges can start to affect your ability to do it well.  Ministry should never be just another thing to fit into the schedule.  It should be something you devote all your time and energy to.  That is not an option for Tim anymore.   So we knew it was time and this was best.

            But, that means we have gone from three sources of income (between Tim’s two jobs and my one) to just one in a matter of three months.  There is no way we can NOT feel the financial crunch and we are not quite sure how we will manage the budget now.  

            Having trouble trusting in God?  Feeling like I have everything under control and can handle it on my own?  God can fix that too!  

            Lent is an opportunity to turn back to God and to listen more closely to Him.  I am trying a little harder today to do just that…because HE’S the One who has it all under control…….