I had the exciting opportunity to be interviewed about my
book and about my experience of writing it a few nights ago. Pete Bauer, an amazingly talented writer, an award-winning Catholic film maker, and a devoted husband and father, asked me to be a guest on his podcast. It was not the first time I have shared my writing
journey with others but it was the
first time I did so with a microphone in front of me. (The interview will be available for your
listening pleasure on July 23rd at petebauerblog.wordpress.com)
At first I was a bit nervous but once we got started, it was
actually a lot of fun and I was able to relax and enjoy the conversation
despite my initial nerves. As soon as I
got home though, I started replaying all of my answers over in my mind. I thought about how I could have answered
some things better and how I could have explained myself in different words. But the more I thought about it and reviewed
the evening, the more I discovered some amazing insights that came out of the
conversation.
In the interview, I talked about how I approach novel
writing and how I develop my story lines and about the challenge of juggling
motherhood and writing simultaneously.
And I realized, as I thought about it all, that being a mother has
really made me a better writer and being a writer has really made me a better
mother.
Motherhood, and especially stay-at-home motherhood, allows me quite a bit of mental
downtime. That may seem silly considering I am often busy multitasking to meet everyone’s needs and to keep up with
all the demands of my home and family. But
there is inherent in housework a lot of time to contemplate. As I wash a sink full of dishes, or mop my
kitchen floor, or fold a basket of laundry, or clean the bathroom mirrors, my
mind tends to wander to things other than the task at hand.
It was as I went through the mindless motions of house
cleaning that my first novel was born in my mind. It started, of course, with an initial idea- what if a stay at home mother, like myself,
was asked to take on more than she thought she could handle by helping out a
pregnant teenager on top of raising her brood of toddlers? The idea grew and came to life while I was
busy tending to my own little brood of children. My characters took over my thoughts while I
scrubbed sticky pots and pans. My plot
unfolded in my mind while my hands folded piles of jeans and t-shirts. Dialogue poured forth in my thoughts as I
took my children for walks around the block or changed my little one’s
diapers.
When finally I was able to sit down and start writing, I
already knew what the story would be: from beginning through middle to final
end. It had come to me over months and
months mulling it over as I mothered my children. In fact, without the blessing of stay-at-home
motherhood I don’t think I could have written my story. I would not have had the opportunity to
develop the story details and plot twist had I not had the inspiration from my
own family or the time to ponder it all
while caring for them.
So, it is pretty easy to see how being a mother helped me to
be a writer (especially considering my first book was about a young
stay-at-home mother) but how can being a writer possibly make me a better
mother?
All that mental downtime can get to me at times. I’m not one who particularly enjoys menial
household tasks like changing diapers or vacuuming the bedrooms. I never looked forward to midnight feedings
with my babies.
Writing has made those difficult tasks of mothering more bearable. In fact, it was a story
I have yet to pen that made the sleepless nights with my youngest child not only do-able but enjoyable. My little one was not a good sleeper and would awaken me time after time each night all the way through her first year. Instead of dreading another late night
feeding each time I heard her cries though, I would think about my characters and write, write, write in my head
as I waited for my daughter to fall back to sleep. That (as yet unwritten) book saved me from
becoming completely overrun with exhaustion because the story would invigorate
me and keep me awake as the baby nursed.
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| A rare moment of rest with my little one (back in 2009) |
Even today, with no nursing babies and few middle of the night
wake up calls, I sometimes get bored playing matchbox cars or play-doh with my
children. I wish it weren’t so but
sometimes, I crave more than long days filled with pre-school games and juvenile conversations. My children are absolutely among my greatest
blessings and motherhood is undoubtedly one of my greatest gifts, but
sometimes, I need something more to fill my mind than what to cook for dinner
or what load of laundry should take precedence- whites or colors?
My family will always
come before any writing projects I might take on, but thankfully, the (pre-)writing
can happen in the midst of putting my family first. Writing offers me the creative outlet I need
without taking me away from my children.
Oh, sometimes I am a little too wrapped up in my current story idea and
I may not be fully mindful of the
flow of matchbox traffic on the car rug or the right cookie cutter shape my
daughter wants for her purple play-doh, but
for the most part, I can enjoy being with my children and still ponder my
book in the back of my mind. We can all
get what we need and be together and content.
Of course, I could
be a good mother without being a writer.
And if God had not blessed me
with children, I’m sure I would still write in some capacity. But, I am quite sure, I would be neither as good a mother nor as good a writer, if I were not blessed
with both gifts from God.
