My quarterly review--a self assessment

            When I quit my job back in January, I decided my new “job” would be as a writer- an independent, work from home, freelance writer.  For the first few weeks of my commitment to write EVERYDAY, I was having so much fun.  I sat down in front of my computer EVERYDAY with no agenda other than to write.   

My only goal:

to fill the page with words, 

any words I felt like writing, 

about anything that was occupying my mind.    

            And I did.  I recorded the little daily events and the little things my children said.  I wrote about memories from their babyhoods.  I worked on fiction projects.  I produced lovely meaningful blog posts (I think?!?!?!?).

I told myself writing as a “job” would not always be so easy and it would not always be so fun.  I told myself writer’s block would surely come in the future and insecurity might plague me some days and the words that were flowing so easily would probably prove elusive at some point.  But, I didn't worry.  No matter the challenges, I was committed to writing.  It was my new “job” and I would approach it as such.  I would work through the struggles and write something even when it was difficult.

            Ahhh- the best intentions…… I was right about the writer’s block and about the insecurities.  I was right about words sometimes being elusive.  Some days they just won’t come.  Some days, I stare at the empty computer screen and I want to write.  My fingers are itching to type but my mind is blank.  Sometimes I can’t come up with anything, no matter how hard I try.  

Worse, are the days I really want to write but despite my commitment to myself, life is just too busy.  Working from home is not the same as working outside the home and “working” for yourself is not the same as having a boss and deadlines and assigned projects.  So, my “career” as an independent, freelance writer is not exactly going as I had promised myself it would and it is not exactly the same experience I had hoped for and had envisioned. 

I am not, however, turning in my letter of resignation to myself.  Not yet.  I still love writing and I still feel God has given me this passion for the written word to glorify Him as best I can with it.  I still want to strive to write every day and to be committed to it.  I still want to write even when it is hard.   

          Even on my worst writing day- when the words are elusive and my brain is blocked and I am totally convinced I am no good at writing anyway- there is still something deep within that calls me to the computer or to my old worn out notebook.  And when I stare at the emptiness of the screen or the page, I feel called to fill it up.  There is still something inside me that conjures up stories and imagines amazing fictional places and people and I KNOW they will just come alive and take on a life of their own, if I only I can find the right words.

I couldn’t quit if I wanted to.  But, honestly …. I’ve never really wanted to anyway. 

My husband's first love

            It has been a few weeks since Valentine’s Day and somehow I let the holiday pass without ever mentioning the love of my life here on my blog.  So now, before the month of February officially ends, I thought I’d write a post dedicated to my husband.  

            I tell my daughters- regularly- that they should try to marry a man like their father.  Tim is very patient with me, he is kind, loving, forgiving…and he makes me laugh.  I could not be more blessed.  I can only hope and pray that my girls- if they are called to the vocation of marriage- will be blessed with husbands as good and loving as mine.  

            I saw this quote on Pinterest :

The only perfect Man that you need in your life already laid down His life for you.

Search instead for an imperfect man who realizes that he needs Him, too.

I love it, because I think it is the key to a stable, happy, Catholic marriage.  

My husband is not perfect.  Neither is our marriage.  Sometimes we fight.  Sometimes we drive each other completely crazy and get on each other’s nerves.  But, through the good times and the bad, the easy years and the difficult ones, the ups and the downs of our life together, Tim and I have always had our faith.  It is something we both treasure and something we have always shared.  We both know we need God and we both try to rely on Him…..

It is through His grace that we can forgive, through His grace that we can remain always committed to each other and to our marriage, through His grace that we can overcome disagreements and remember (even after a fight) why we love each other.

Tim has a long commute to work each day.  For Lent, he has committed to making the best use of that time by listening to spiritual talks on his mp-3 player as he drives to work in the mornings.  It was from one of those talks that he got the idea to bless his family every night before bed.  For the last few weeks, after our family prayer time, Tim has taken some Holy Water and with it has traced a cross on the forehead of each of our children and me- he prays that God will bless us in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.   

         He hasn’t missed a night yet.  As my husband blesses and prays for me I am reminded- every day- how blessed I am to be married to a man who loves God above all things.  And, how awesome it is to come in second!

If you are interested in hearing how God first brought us together check out our love story here!

Anticipating the announcement....

            When Pope John Paul II was elected, I was a toddler.  When Pope Benedict XVI was elected, I had a 6 year old, who was in kindergarten, and a three year old, a two year old, and an eight week old at home with me.  Though I clearly remember Pope JPII’s death and funeral, I remember very little of the papal election that followed.   

          I do remember hearing the names of possible new popes.  And, I remember hoping and praying for Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger.  I remember feeling happy and filled with peace that he was the new Pope.  But I don’t remember watching for the white smoke or hearing the announcement “Habemus Papam.” 

            This time, (now that I have come to terms with Pope Benedict’s retirement) I am very anxiously awaiting the exhilaration of hearing the announcement that, “We have a Pope!”  I have spent the last few days learning all that I can about the process and preparing lessons to share it all with my children.    

           We sat down this morning surrounded by things I had printed off from the computer and we talked about the conclave, the College of Cardinals, and the procedures for electing and installing a new pope.  We looked at pictures of St. Peter’s square and I pointed out the Sistine Chapel where the conclave will take place and our new Pope will be chosen.  It is all very exciting and there is so much to learn.  

            Some of the resources we came across were so fabulous I just had to share….  So here is a list of the resources that my children and I found most helpful:

• How a Pope is elected, an interactive slideshow: 

 http://vaticaninsider.lastampa.it/en/the-vatican/come-si-elegge-il-papa/

• A Papal Unit Study-- found on "Shower of Roses" blog

 http://showerofroses.blogspot.com/2013/02/papal-unit-study.html

• A diagram of Papal Vestements

http://www.infovisual.info/06/070_en.html

• 2 articles on Papal elections and history--
  found on "In the Heart of my Home" blog

 http://pflaum.com/jpii/elect.pdf

 http://pflaum.com/jpii/didyou.pdf

• Super cute crafts and activities for kids of all ages

 http://www.catholicinspired.com/2013/02/learning-about-election-of-new-pope.html

• Adopt a Cardinal to pray for

 http://adoptacardinal.org/

In This House of Brede- a book review

In This House of Brede, by Rumer Godden is not like most of the books I read.  It does not follow the "rules of a good story" that I teach to my children as part of their grammar lessons.  There is no one plot that drives the story and is marked by rising action, an obvious definable climax, and then a nice happy resolution.  

Instead, it is a story of the intricacies of life in Brede Abbey, a monastery of Benedictine sisters.  Godden follows the nuns, whose personalities and struggles are varied and authentic, for a span of more than a decade.  Throughout that time many challenges are faced and overcome.  Many subplots are explored and then settled.  And many discoveries and epiphanies take place in the lives of the sisters and the greater community of people who love and support them.  

Godden's writing is descriptive, clear, and easy to read.  It flows so beautifully that at times I could not help but read aloud just to hear the cadence of the descriptive prose.  What I liked best about the book though was the individual temperaments of the nuns.  They were not a perfectly saintly, impeccably holy bunch.  They were just a community of women trying.  

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there were many parallels to my own life in Godden's tale of consecrated religious life.  In This House of Brede shows that cloistered communities do not offer escape.  The women living there struggle, like anyone else, with their own insecurities and temptations to sin.  They are not sheltered from the problems of the world and are not living lives of constant peace and security.   Their relationships with each other are even marked, at times, by such human emotions as jealousy, hurt, and impatience.  

Godden's book shines with the truth that even in a monastery, the path to heaven is a narrow, rocky road full of pitfalls and obstacles.   

I received a copy of this book for free from- and wrote this review for- the Tiber River website, but I have since learned that Aquinas and More Catholic Goods which is the "parent company" of TiberRiver.com is sadly going out of business.  My review has been pending approval for weeks now and I can only assume it is because the review program is no longer needed.  However, I wanted to share my review anyway.  I also want to encourage you to visit Aquinas and More while you still can, to take advantage of the 20% off sale and to support a great Catholic company for as long as it is around.  

St. Anthony....its me AGAIN...

            The other night I was privileged to participate in my home school support group’s mom’s night out.  We don’t do these very often, everyone is so busy home schooling, and caring for their homes, and running kids from one event to another.  I think this is the first one we’ve had this school year.  

            It was a lovely evening.  I relaxed with my friends and a mug of hot tea; and I enjoyed the opportunity to talk and share and laugh a little.  I got home fairly late and didn’t realize that I had lost my cell phone somewhere between arriving at the mom’s night out and going back home a few hours later.  

It wasn’t until lunchtime the next day (when I was eagerly anticipating Tim’s daily phone call from work) that I realized that my phone wasn’t in my purse.  It wasn’t in the car either.  I retraced my steps in my mind.  I know I had it in my hand as I drove to my friend’s house the night before.  I thought I’d need it to get into her gated community and had it out in anticipation, but when another driver opened the gate ahead of me I put the phone down and drove right in.  I haven’t seen my phone since…..

I searched in vain, called myself from the home phone repeatedly, and prayed to St. Anthony (one of my all time favorite saints.  He never lets me down but must surely get a little sick of hearing from me).  The phone was definitely lost.  I called my friend and asked her to search her house as soon as she got a chance.

It is amazing how much we depend on cell phones.  I don't feel like I depend on mine that much.  It is not one of those fancy I-phones with internet capability and super powers.  All it does is make phone calls (and take fuzzy grainy pictures that aren’t really worth taking at all).   And, sometimes, I can actually go days without using my cell phone.  Sometimes I even forget to charge it so that when I do need it, it has only one battery bar left.

But, losing it makes me realize how much I really do rely on it.....

Wouldn’t you know it- last night, when I was without my phone, Tim was running late from work.  He was supposed to meet me and the children at church for Stations of the Cross.  I expected him to be there very shortly after the prayers began at 5:30.  

I watched the doors of the church as I prayed, expecting him any minute.  But the Stations progressed, the clock ticked away, and still Tim did not walk through the doors.  I grew increasingly worried- as much because I knew I couldn’t call him to see where he was and what was going on.  I tried to decide what to do if he didn’t arrive before the prayers ended.  Should I wait for him outside the church?  Should I head home?  Should I borrow a cell phone from a friend and call him from that hoping he’d answer even if he didn’t recognize the number?   Should I go home and start calling hospitals in case something horrible happened?  I really tried to concentrate on the beautiful prayers but my mind and my eyes kept straying to the quiet doors in the back of the church.

Finally, Tim arrived- safe and sound though a little frustrated by the crazy traffic he’d had to deal with.  And, thankfully, my phone was found somewhere in my friend’s neighborhood by a very nice man.  In my relief I did not even ask where he had found it, I just asked him to  leave the phone at my friend’s house, which he did.  My friend will be returning it to me this evening.  

So all’s well that end’s well I guess.   St. Anthony came through for me again, as I knew he would.  But what a pain the convenience of technology can be…..

photo credit-- taken from Wikipedia