Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Quest for comfort

I would like to started each day filled with joy and gratitude. After all, God has blessed me with a wonderful life. In reality, when I wake in the morning, instead of jumping out of bed and thanking God for another new day, I burrow deeper into my covers. My first thoughts are of staying in bed, all snuggled up on my fluffy pillow, in my cozy p.j.'s. In fact, the only thing that can coax me out of my nice warm bed is the thought of a nice warm shower. I enjoy my showers, with the steamy water and the quiet time to myself, almost as much as the comfort of my bed. I would linger longer in the shower if not for all the nice warm breakfast options that I know await me in the kitchen. I make the most of my morning routine. Even though I wish morning would come an hour or two later, I make sure my day starts with all my favorite things. Lately, I have realized that it is not only my morning routine that revolves around my desire for ease and luxury. It is my whole day.
In fact, my entire life seems to be this great quest for my own personal comfort. In our society, this is not considered a bad thing. It is what life is supposed to be about in America! Tim and I bought our house, we pay all our bills- why should I not enjoy all the luxuries life has to offer? It certainly is tempting to do so, and so very easy to justify. Unfortunately, my life of indulgence is not making me happier. I lack that joy and gratitude I know I could have. Is it because I don't get that extra hour of sleep I so desperately want? Is it because I sometimes have to cut my showers short to break up fights, or make oatmeal for the kids? Or, is it because many days I am so focused on pleasing myself that I have completely lost touch with serving God. Of course, that is why I am not constantly flooded with gratitude for all the blessings in my life! I don't even recognize them because I am so busy selfishly searching for more, more, more. I am afraid this is the American way, and I am a product of the culture I have grown up in. It is so much harder to live in the counter-cultural way that Christianity asks of us. It seems so hard to focus on God and serving Him through serving others. I want to do better but it is a struggle to deny my selfish desires. Though I truly want to do better, I doubt I will wake up tomorrow and bound out of bed to make a big fancy breakfast for my family or greet the neighbors with a plate of piping hot muffins. At the very least though, I need to endeavor to start the day praying. Praying that God will strengthen me and guide me so that I may grow in virtue and worry more about pleasing Him than myself.

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