A new blogging home....

Now blogging about my family's latest adventures at:

fosterfamilyjoy.blogspot.com

There you'll hear about the beautiful ministry God has recently called us to....

In honor of National NFP Awareness Week

I hesitate to write about NFP, because I firmly believe some things should just remain private.  That's why, I’ve never shared here, online, about my husband and my decision years ago to take the plunge and follow the Church’s teaching on family planning.  But in honor of National NFP Awareness Week, I wanted to say just a few words.  

When Tim and I first started really learning about our Catholic faith and getting to know other Catholic couples, there seemed to be a huge dividing line.  That line was labeled with three little letters- N-F-and-P.  There were those “good” devout Catholics on the one side and the not-quite-so devout “cafeteria style” Catholics on the other.  Now that I’ve experienced marriage on both sides of that line, I see things a little differently than I did back then.  I don’t necessarily believe that in our pre-NFP days Tim and I were not good Catholics.  We simply didn’t understand the theology or the reasoning behind it all.  I think (hope) we were the best Catholics we knew how to be at the time.  

Thankfully, God was patient in calling us to the “cross the line” so to speak.  Thankfully, Tim and I did answer His call.  NFP felt like a huge leap of faith and even now, after years and years of understanding and practicing it, it still requires faith every single day.  But, overall, it has been a huge blessing in our marriage.  We are certainly stronger for having taken the leap.  

So while it may have taken us a while to fully embrace, God knows we are committed to NFP.  He knows we want to want only what He wants for our family and that we will always follow the Church’s teaching in this (and every) area of life.  But, He also knows it isn’t always easy for us.  NFP can be a real struggle.  Being open to life and open to God’s plan when it may differ from ours can be overwhelming at times.   Having a big family and welcoming babies at God’s will, is, in and of itself, an immense leap of faith. 

            NFP has been an incredible blessing, but it has also been an incredible challenge- just like each of our beautiful children.  We will continue to be committed to it, and continue to be challenged by it, just like we are in raising each of our beautiful children.  NFP isn’t easy, but it’s what’s best for our marriage, for our bodies, for our souls, and for our life.  And if God’s plans are different than ours, we will trust that His are better and we will willingly follow wherever He leads us and accept whatever blessings He bestows upon us.  That is what NFP has taught us and what practicing it continually calls us too- trust in God and putting Him at the center of our lives. 

Success!

I’ve been telling myself for a while, “I should write about success.”  It has been forefront in my mind all summer.  What is success, really?  How do you measure it?  Where does failure fit in?  God has shed a lot of light on the subject for me, by speaking to me through various people- all of whom had great wisdom to share.

I was privileged to talk with writer and independent film maker, Pete Bauer, recently for a podcast on his blog (Have you listened yet?  You can hear our conversation here!)  We didn’t discuss the subject of success specifically but Pete shared with me a story that led him to understand that obedience is one of the most important steps to true success.   It got me thinking.

I would never have thought to list “obedient” as a trait of successful people but Pete was SO right.  If we are not obedient to God’s call in our lives, it doesn’t matter how much money we make, how many books we sell, or how many followers we have on the internet.  It means nothing apart from God’s plan for us. We cannot truly be successful people without being willing to listen to Our Lord.  And even more, we must be obedient to His call and always willing to accept His divine guidance.

So my first revelation on success is this—Success is completely dependent on God’s plan.  It cannot be achieved apart from what He wants for us and calls us to.  

A few days after that interview, I attended the IHM home school conference.  I had been looking forward to the conference for a long time but unfortunately was only able to attend for a little while.  I heard only two of the many talks given.  The two talks I heard were good.  They were somewhat thought-provoking even.  But, neither talk spoke to me on a deep level.  Neither one was exactly full of the inspiration and encouragement I was really hoping for.  

After the conference ended for the night, I got to talking with an old friend and a brand new one.  The fruits of that conversation were much more significant for me than the expert talks I had just heard.  My friends spoke of success in parenting and home schooling, but the lessons can be applied to other areas of life as well.  The following is a comment I left at SueElvis’ home schooling blog where she had, ironically, touched on many of the same points my face-to-face friends and I had discussed. 

“We discussed and reminded each other (and ourselves) that-- Our greatest reason for home schooling is love of our children.  Our greatest blessing of home schooling is time with our children.  Our greatest lesson of home schooling always boils down to love- love our family, love our neighbor, love the Lord with all we have.  And if nothing else goes right in all our years of home schooling- as long as we got the love right- our children will be better off.”

So, my second revelation on success is this—Success is empty and meaningless if it does not come from, and with, a loving heart.  Jesus summed up His whole message with this statement:  “You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength…… You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” Mark 12:30-31.  This is how Jesus, Himself, defined success.  He teaches us that, love is the mark of a truly successful life.  

And lastly, I had the chance to visit with one of my cousins recently.  I hadn’t seen him in nearly 12 years and had never had the opportunity to see him as a father.  We had a fun day of visiting while his 2 beautiful daughters played and giggled and bonded with my 5 children.   He and I got to catch up (along with his wife and his parents and my husband and my parents).  And then, we talked about where we are in our lives today.  

Growing up, I knew his passion was music and his greatest ambition in life was to be successful as a musician.  After being a part of a small Christian band in the 1990’s and then working for many years behind the scenes in the music business, he gave it up to be a third grade teacher in an inner city school and to focus on being a good husband and father. 

He shared with me, though, that he feels like he absolutely achieved his goals in music.  He toured the country with his band- seeing the world, sharing his music, and meeting new people.  He had the chance to work with musicians like Faith Hill, Amy Grant, and others.  He still writes songs, plays guitar, and records music on his own and he has found creative ways to incorporate music into teaching.    He’s not a well-known name in music.  He’s had no hit songs on the radio.  His band never hit the big time.  But, he knows in his heart that he is successful.

So, my third and last revelation on success is this—Success means being blessed to enjoy the gifts God gives us.  It isn’t about gaining the approval of others or the attention of the world.  It’s about sharing our talents and finding joy in using them to the best of our abilities.  

So, how do you measure success?

My First Podcast Interview!

Now available at petebauerblog.wordpress.com my first podcast interview!  It was a fabulous experience to sit and talk with Pete Bauer, a fellow Catholic writer, about my book, the writing process, the importance of our Catholic faith in all we do, and more.  

Check it out to hear my first hand account 

of being a busy mom and a novelist.

Finding my place....

            I’ve been blogging for nearly five years now.  I began without having ever read a blog.  I had high hopes though and lots of great ideas.

 

I first envisioned my blog as a sort of online devotional.  I would share my stories of God working in my ordinary life and then add a thought or two for reflection.  I blogged with the hope that my stories might bring others closer to God.  

When I started, I was completely unaware that there existed a community of bloggers, who connect and share and build strong bonds through their little corners of cyberspace.  But, I soon discovered the world of Catholic “mom blogs” and the beautiful connections that came with them.  With that, my blog focus changed to be more of a mom blog.  It made perfect sense because all of my “devotional” stories were, at least in part, related to my experiences with motherhood.  

It’s really hard to be a successful mom blogger without being willing to share your children’s names and photos though.  That extra personal, visual touch aids A LOT in building connections.  Before I ever started blogging, Tim and I had decided that we weren’t comfortable putting our children’s names and faces online.  So my success as a mom blogger has been somewhat challenging.  And while I have lost a lot of my initial fear concerning the safety of sharing my children’s identities online (thus the baby pictures in my header), Tim and I still feel better erring on the side of caution when it concerns our children.  Thankfully, I have been blessed with some wonderful online friends and have made some beautiful connections even without sharing many pictures or any names.

And lately, my blog has sort of morphed again anyway.  I have always enjoyed writing and as my children gain a bit more independence leaving behind infancy and toddlerhood, I have had more time to devote to writing.  I have re-discovered the joy of fiction and the fun of exploring the written word more creatively.  My blog has become a place where I write about writing as much as anything else these days.  

So, over the years my focus has faltered a lot and now I wonder, what kind of blog do I really have? Is it really a devotional blog to inform and inspire, as I had originally hoped?  Is it a mom blog for offering support and sharing parenting ideas? Is it a writing blog where I share my passion for the written word?  Can it be all three?  

This is where my blogging thoughts and prayers have been focused this summer.  Without a clear vision, my blog has fizzled a bit in recent months so it seems fitting to take a break while I figure it all out.  Until I really discern the perfect answer, I will continue to pray and listen for God’s guidance… It may be days, or weeks, or months (!?!?!?!?)  But when I return full force to the blogging world, hopefully, I will have a clearer focus and renewed enthusiasm ……

Not done yet.....

 I feel like I should hang a sign here that reads, "Under Construction" as I prayerfully discern what direction my blogging will go in in the future.  But, rest assured, whatever decision I ultimately come to-- 

Stay tuned, I'm not done yet........

Throwing in the towel....

            I embarked on a mission this summer.  Just 20 days ago, I wrote a post all about how I was going to spend this summer accomplishing a goal that I had set back last fall.  I was going to, out of sheer determination if nothing else, finish editing the novel I wrote back in November.  I would succeed at any cost!

November was a crazy month.  Despite having just started a part time job (my first outside-the-house job since having children), I signed up for NaNoWriMo 2012.  I knew it was a long shot- trying to write a novel while working and home schooling the children.  I knew my story idea was very vague and undeveloped too.  But one of the mottos of NaNo is “No plot?  No problem.”  It’s all about writing just to get the words on paper.  The hope, I guess, is that plot will come as you go along.   

            After I’d finished and “won”, I knew my story needed lots of work though.  The “No plot, No problem” attitude really did ring true for the duration of the month.  But in the months that followed….having 50,000+ words of a rough, plot-less, first draft, was a major obstacle to story success, of course.  I had my doubts even then.   I figured it was a good effort but not worth trying to fix.  I put it aside for the winter- both physically and cognitively.

But, I am not a quitter.  When I start something, I see it through to the finish.  So, over the spring, I kept thinking about that unfinished story and I talked myself into tackling it as a summer project.  The basic skeleton of a story was there (or so I told myself as I remembered my efforts)- so with time and patience and perseverance, I knew I could make something great of it.  I committed myself wholeheartedly to the task.  I was optimistic, excited, and, above all, determined.  I would succeed.

From day one, I was plagued with problems.  The story was just lacking.  It had no clear focus.  My characters didn’t know what they wanted or where they were going.  I liked the characters and who they were.  I had the tiniest details of their personalities and their lives worked out, but I didn’t have the big things worked out.  I kept getting caught up in the details and running into mental road blocks whenever I tried to work out the big issues.  I checked out books from the library all about novel writing and read them cover to cover.  But, the books, rather than shedding light on my editing efforts, ended up illuminated even more problems.

Anyway, suffice to say I was driving myself (and my husband who patiently listen to me rattle on and on about my struggles each and every evening) CRAZY.  It was an emotional process of trying to make something work in a story that nothing was working in.  I was fighting a losing battle but refusing, REFUSING! to give in.  I just wouldn’t fail and I wouldn’t quit.  

 Still, it wasn’t working.  So, I prayed and prayed and agonized and agonized.  

God told me what He wanted.  He asked me to give it up.  He reminded me that I need to be a mother first and that He wanted me with my children this summer, emotionally as well as physically.  (Incidentally, God speaks to me a lot- through Scripture, through the words of others, and through countless other sources too.  He gets His points across, if only I am willing to listen) 

I got the message loud and clear.  But, at first, I was still refusing.  I wanted to press on anyway.  I could do it.  I knew I could.  “I am committed to success,” I told myself.  But, that “no plot” thing is really obstinate when it comes to editing and God kept patiently calling me away.  

So, finally-- I threw in the towel on my 2^nd novel.  

It was not worth the emotional struggle, not worth the time and energy.  My summer is now on a different track.  No more mission.  No more mountain climbing.  No more stubborn refusal to succeed at any cost.  

I am focusing on my children instead, and on enjoying writing (when I can) and on relaxing.  It is not what I planned or what I thought I wanted, but life is full of sacrifices and sometimes real success comes in being willing to fail…..