Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Preaching to the Deaf

Lately I feel as if I am not doing enough. As a home schooling mother, it is a feeling I am quite used to. When it comes to parenting, and especially when it comes to educating my children, I always feel as if I am not doing enough. There is always so much more that I could be doing. I should spend more time on each math lesson, going over every little point in the workbook to be sure my children understand what they are doing in their work and why they are doing it. I should be introducing them to great poetry and art masterpieces every week, giving them the chance to become familiar with the finest things the world has to offer. I should be involving them in more service projects, allowing them regular opportunities to be charitable and generous with their time and talents. When it comes to educating my children I have come to realize I will never truly be doing enough.....
Lately, I have felt as though I am falling short of the mark when it comes to serving God as well. I feel called to evangelize more but have not answered the call the way I think I should. I have been feeling a lot of guilt because I see so many people who seem spiritually lost or unfulfilled. I see so many people searching for meaning in worldly pursuits and empty endeavors. I would love to help steer them in the direction of God and a life of faith. I have been given such an amazing gift in my faith and in my Church; I feel it is only right for me to share that gift. The problems are: first, I don't quite know how to touch those who seem the farthest from God, and second, the efforts I have been making seem to fall on deaf ears.
Many of those I want to evangelize to most, seem not interested in the message. Though, I see them living a life steeped in worldly pleasures and trappings, they don't seem to have a desire to turn from it. In my prayers and in my contemplation on the subject, I thought of the instructions Jesus gave to his apostles as he sent them out to preach and cure for the first time. In Luke 9:5 He said, “And as for those who do not welcome you, when you leave that town, shake the dust from your feet in testimony against them.” I am sure Jesus was not saying, “as for those people, we just don’t care.” Or “they are not worth our time or prayers.” No, I think what He meant to tell His apostles was only that some people just would not listen to their message. Some people just would not be open to conversion. We cannot blame ourselves or lose sleep over it. We can only do our best to share God’s word and His love with others and then leave the results to Him. Though I sometimes feel my efforts are not enough and are not bearing fruit, I am still serving God each and everyday as long as I pray for those who are not yet open to His message and share my experiences of His infinite goodness and love with those who are.
As I have been contemplating and praying over the last few weeks, I shared my frustrations and guilt with Tim one evening. He pointed out to me that if nothing else, I AM evangelizing to our children. As usual, he is right. Whether I feel like it is enough or not, I do have four eager, curious little sets of eyes on me everyday. I hope they see that sometimes the best way to answer God’s call is to trust in Him and to persevere in living a good and holy life.

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