Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Where my fears meet my God....

    Do you ever wake up in the dark quiet of the night and find your mind racing without warning?  Do you ever watch the clock while you imagine all the bad things that could happen and think about all the bad things that have happened and realize, before you know it, that hours have passed and your mind is not slowing down and you aren’t about to get to sleep anytime soon?  Do you ever get up and walk down the hall to check on your sleeping children to make sure they are okay and to pray over them and beg God to keep them safe in this world that holds so many dangers?  Do you ever worry unnecessarily about all the things you can't control and feel all your fears bubbling up and your mind going to places you wish with all your might it just wouldn’t go?  Do you ever wonder what God is up to in the world and what He might be trying to teach you through it all?  In the middle of the night, when all is peaceful and quiet and serene except my mind, I find myself turning to God and asking Him so many questions.   I fear and I worry and I fret but I also always seem to pray on those long sleepless nights, that thankfully don’t trouble me very often, but seem to drag on forever when they do.  I have spent a lot of time in quiet prayer and reflection the last few hours and though I have not come to any conclusions about the many things in life that upset me and scare me and just seem so unfair, somehow I do feel closer to God.  I cannot imagine facing life, with all its trials and challenges, without my faith to guide me.  I hate to feel alone in my thoughts and my fears and I hate to lay awake staring out into the night of my room seeing nothing but shadows and darkness.  But, though I fear the thoughts that seem to creep into my head in those moments of sudden and unexplained insomnia, I am, at the same time, grateful for my faith.  Because for some reason, I always feel like God hears me better in those silent moments of nighttime prayer.  And maybe because my prayers are more spontaneous, less distracted, and so much more desperate in the deepest moments of the night, I always feel closer to God at those times.  So, as the morning sun finally rises to meet me in the day I have been awaiting with rapt attention for hours now, I thank God for the light and for His presence always and for the quiet time I got to spend with Him when my mind decided to jump into overdrive.  Maybe the Holy Spirit was just whispering in my ear that it was a perfect time to get up and pray even though the clock clearly said otherwise....


  1. I have those nights too, when my head projects and projects and there's no stopping the worry. thanks goodness for our faith. I would not survive otherwise.

  2. I have had too many nights like that. I know think it has to do with a sleep issue. It is amazing how much prayer time one can find in the quiet on the night.



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