Our first of day of school!

            When I was a kid, I used to start anticipating the first day of school a few weeks before it was actually upon me.   My anticipation was not full of joy or excitement but instead, dread and anxiety.  I remember quite clearly, the butterflies that filled my stomach and the “what ifs?” that filled my mind as the day drew nearer and nearer.  What if I don’t like my new teacher?  What if I don’t have any friends in my class?  What if I can’t to rise to the standards of a new grade with greater expectations and a more difficult workload than ever before?

            

            I always did well in school.  I got good grades and I got along with all my teachers.   My fears were proven irrational and remained unsubstantiated year after year.  Yet, each new year, I fretted all over again. 

Following my graduation from high school, I thought that my first day anxieties were finally behind me forever.   And until this year, that has been true. 

I’ve home schooled my children fairly successfully for eight years now.  And like in my youth, I’ve anticipated the beginning of every year starting a few weeks before the first day was actually upon us.  Thankfully, I have anticipated each home school year with optimism and excitement.  Until now….

This year is the first year I have felt reminiscent of my old attitude towards the first day of school.  This year I have been nervous and worried about home schooling.  I have worried I could not rise to challenge again.  I have worried that my lingering feelings of burn out from last year would prevent me from being patient and motivated.  I have worried I just don’t have it in me to face third grade again, and fifth grade again, and seventh grade again, and pre-school (at home with me) and high school for the first time.

Today the first day is upon us though!  For weeks, I have been praying and praying and praying for this school year to be successful and peaceful.

In the past, like for New Year’s Day, I have made resolutions for the beginning of the school year.  This year, instead of resolutions, I am focusing on one word as a theme for our new school year.  My word for this school year is “balance.”  I will pray for and seek a balance

• between structure –and- flexibility,
• between projects and activities that are enjoyable and uncomplicated –and- hard work that challenges and stretches us,
• between time devoted to and focused completely on educating my children –and- time for myself, to catch my breath, to sit in silence before the Lord and allow my soul to be fed, to do the things I enjoy (like blogging!). 

So far, so good!  Our first day went well.  We achieved our goals for the day and found the balance we needed today.   We'll tackle tomorrow when it comes.  :)  

             My plan is to take things one day at a time and to continue to rely more on prayer this year.  I’m very hopeful that, like in my youth, my anxiety for the past few weeks will prove completely unfounded and my worry-filled “what ifs” will never materialize.