Unhappy with motherhood

            I had an interesting conversation today.  I was standing at the counter checking out, for once all alone with no children in tow, when I mentioned that I had 5 children.  I cannot even remember how the subject came up but the woman behind the counter immediately responded with, “You have 5 children?  Do they drive you nuts?”

            Now, as anyone with more than two children will tell you, it is not at all unusual to get surprising and varied reactions to the subject of children and family planning.  Nonetheless, I was thrown off by her question.  “No,” I answered quickly, “I love my children.”  But then, as I thought about it for a second, I had to admit, “Well, there are moments they drive me nuts, but overall I enjoy my children.”  I wanted to be completely honest.

            She looked at me quizzically and maybe I should have let it drop at that but I continued, “My children know their limits.” I told her. 

            “Oh, so you rule with an iron fist,” she said knowingly, nodding her head like she got it now.             

            But as I thought about that, I felt the need to speak up yet again.  “Not really.  I don’t have to most of the time.  They are just pretty good kids,” I told her.

            “Well, I guess you do look like you’ve got it altogether,” the woman conceded (an interesting comment on its own considering I did not have the children with me), “Lots of people these days are not too happy with motherhood though.”

            Since that conversation this morning, I have thought about her observation.  She is right, of course.  A lot of people are unhappy with motherhood.  Children are seen as burdens, not blessings and having 5 (or more) of them sounds like torture to some people, I guess.  None of this is really news to me, but hearing someone admit it so casually as if it is no big deal was upsetting.  It has really caused me to pause and think about this world we live in, and the negative attitudes that pervade it.  

            There is SO much I could say about it all.  I could go on and on about how people are so misguided, how their priorities are skewed, and about how worldly wisdom has ruined family values in this country.  I think I will try to keep my mouth shut about all that this time though……  

Instead I will just pray.  I will pray that my example and witness, and that of other strong Christian mothers, might be enough to convince others to take a closer look at their own attitudes and priorities.  I will pray that God will enlighten the minds of those mothers who are not too happy with motherhood and help them to see the gift that their children, and their responsibility towards them, is.  

Maybe, while I am at it, I will also say a prayer of thanksgiving.  It is such a privilege and a blessing to be a mother.  Though it is not always easy and my children do drive me nuts occasionally, I am grateful to God for the gift of motherhood.  Unusual as it may sound, it is a something I really am very happy with.

The Easter bug

            The night before Easter, as Tim was getting our 2 year old ready for bed he asked her, “Do you know who is coming tonight?”  The whole family was very eagerly anticipating the celebration of Easter.  We had had a busy Holy Week, filled with family activities and Holy week Masses and services and events, all to prepare our hearts for a true celebration of the Resurrection of Our Lord.  Still, we knew the little ones were probably as excited about jelly beans and plastic eggs as they were about Mass and joyfully singing "Alleluia" with our parish family.  Yet, our littlest one surprised us with her answer to daddy’s question.  She said, “A bug is coming.”  

            We are not sure if she misunderstood when we briefly mentioned the Easter bunny (could she have thought we said, "Easter buggy?") or if she just knew, with it being springtime in Florida, that it is not uncommon for bugs to come into the house at night.  Whatever the cause, clearly she did not really know about the Easter bunny at all.   It was then that we realized we had pretty much forgotten to explain to her about the tradition of Easter baskets filled in the night by a little furry, hopping friend.  

          She knew all about Jesus’ crucifixion and about the boo-boos on his hands and feet.  She knew “Mama Mary” was very sad when Jesus died and she knew that on Easter, Jesus felt better and was not dead anymore.  She told me repeatedly in the preceding week, “Mommy, Jesus died on the cross”. 

        When her siblings were younger there seemed to be a lot more focus on the Easter bunny and not nearly as much on Jesus.  As the years have passed, Tim and I have grown and our understanding of our faith has matured and deepened.  Our older children have also grown and their understanding of our faith has matured too.  Sharing all about Christ’s sacrifice and suffering has become such a part of our life and our family, we forget sometimes about the other traditions that used to mean so much to us.

       Tim, in his amusement and surprise, continued to question our daughter.   “Who do you think will bring all the candy for your Easter basket?” he asked her.  And she promptly answered, “You!”  

Maybe, as it turns out, she is not at all confused, maybe she understands a whole lot more than we give her credit for......

Rejoice!

Holy Thursday

Every Thursday, the children and I start our day by reading the upcoming Sunday's gospel.  Then we do a small activity or have a discussion about it.  This morning, instead of reading Easter Sunday's gospel, we read the gospel for Holy Thursday and Good Friday.  Then we washed each other's feet as Jesus commanded.

Later, we will have a very simple Seder supper and then, as a family, attend Holy Thursday Mass.

Happy Triduum!

Holy week reflections

Holy Week!  We have been busy at our house with Holy Week stories, crafts, and activities.  With the Triduum starting tomorrow we spent some of our school time this morning reflecting on Jesus' passion and the events leading up to it.  

We started with our Resurrection Eggs.  Tim and I bought these years ago but they have spent the last few years on a shelf.  When I pulled them out, they literally had a 1/2 inch of dust on them.  I had forgotten how wonderful they are though.  The kids enjoyed opening the eggs and discussing the symbols in them, then I read the accompanying reflection in the book and we talked even more about what Jesus really went through for us.  

After that, I found this video on Youtube and played it for the children.  My seven year old, especially, was touched by the reality and intensity of Jesus' suffering.  He is too young to watch The Passion but Todd Agnew's beautiful song and the somewhat graphic images of the video were just enough to get the point across without scaring him too much.

Then, we went to Mass.  It was an even more moving experience after our morning of prayer and contemplation.  Later, we will watch our documentary about The Shroud of Turin.  And then..... I think we will be really ready for the Triduum.....

The whole world in our family room

            We don’t watch television.  There are many reasons why.  Most of all, though we just find the vast majority of programming to be incredibly worldly and shockingly immoral.  Even the commercials, or should I say, especially the commercials are offensive.  

            There is one kind of programming I do like though.  I love documentaries.  So, I decided to start adding some to our school curriculum.  A month or so ago we watched an extremely informative movie all about telescopes.  It went along perfectly with the astronomy unit we had been working on all year.  

Then the other night, the kids really wanted to watch a movie but it was getting close to bedtime and we only had time for something short so we decided to check out what educational options Netflix had to offer on streaming.  We all agreed on “The Riddle of the Sphinx” and ended up learning a lot about ancient Egyptian history, beliefs, and culture and even some things about geology and archeology and art.  

This week, I am super excited because I borrowed a documentary from the library entitled, “Jesus and the Shroud of Turin”.  I watched a show about the Shroud of Turin years ago and was fascinated by it.  I thought it would be perfect for Holy Week and, though I could not find the exact program I saw before, the one I did find looks very promising.  

Documentaries are such a wonderful resource for learning and they make the world around us come alive in full color.  They introduce us to a world of experts and allow them to share their passions with us in the comfort of our own home.   And even better--  they keep the children’s attention and require no extra work or planning on my part, and at least on Netflix or library dvd’s—there are no commercials! :)     

My mission as a mother

When I was just a young mother of one small child I came across this quote:

"When I was a child, love to me was what the sea is to a fish; something you swim in while you are going about the important affairs of life.”     ~ P. L. Travers

I knew, right then and there as I read those words that they summed up my goal as a mother.  I wanted, for my beautiful daughter and any other children God might someday send my way, a life so full of love it would be like swimming in a sea of it.  I wanted my children to be immersed entirely in a world *overflowing* with love.  I even wanted my children to take for granted that they were loved and adored, not because I wanted them to be ungrateful but because I wanted to them to know nothing less than an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.  I wanted the mere idea of a life void of love to be so completely foreign that the thought of such a thing would never ever cross their minds.  I wanted being loved, and lovable, to never be given even a passing thought, as I am sure a fish never even considers the water it swims in.

It seems these days everyone has a mission statement-- churches, businesses, organizations, and institutions of all kinds.  If ever I was to draft a mission statement as a mother, it would be to do whatever P.L. Travers' mother did to inspire the above statement.

My mission is to raise my children in a world so filled with love, they feel like little fishies swimming about in it every day.

It has been years and years since I first encountered P.L. Travers’ beautiful quote  and I can only pray that I come close to achieving it each day as I work to raise my children to be the people God created them to be.  

I don’t know, day to day, how well I am really doing.  I do know, though, that I truly do love my children for the people they are today and the people I see them becoming as they grow and learn.  And besides loving each of them individually and personally, I really like them as well.  I enjoy spending time with them and sharing my days with them and I can only hope that my delight in them shows.  

I am not a perfect mother.  I have days that are marked by more mistakes than successes as far as parenting goes, and days I feel guilty for my impatience and selfishness.  I do not always treat my children with the love I feel for them, or the love I know they deserve.  I am pretty sure, if ever they were asked though, my children would answer with confidence that, yes their mother, and father, do love them unconditionally and completely, without a doubt.    In fact, despite my imperfections, I'm pretty sure my children do feel like they are swimming in love, at least, most of the time.

My oldest and youngest ponder some creatures of the sea.

Watching little fishies swim in tiny tide pools.

Surrounded by the Gulf all around, my boys are fascinated by all they encounter at the beach near our home.