Thursday, March 12, 2009

Boys against the girls!

I will be having an ultrasound in a few weeks to check on the development of our unborn baby. We are all so excited to get a glimpse of the baby and to see if we will be welcoming a new little boy or girl into our family. This baby will be the tie breaker, so to speak, because we already have two girls and two boys. My sister asked me when I called to let her know the date of the ultrasound, if I had a preference. There once was a time when I very much had a preference but I have since learned so much about trusting in God's plan.....
Before I had children I wanted a house full of kids. But what I really wanted was a house full of little girls. Little boys just seemed too noisy, too active, too rough, and way too dirty.
When I was expecting my first child I was secretly worried it might be a boy, and I would be disappointed. I was so grateful when my first born arrived and God had sent us a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She was quiet (most of the time), gentle in her play, and very clean and tidy (except when she was eating). She was just what I would have ordered if I could have. Our next child was born almost three years later, and this time God had other plans for us- a boy! And oh, he was ALL BOY, right from the start! And, surprising to me at the time, he was also so lovable, right from the start. He captured my heart immediately and has had me wrapped around his little finger ever since! He, and his younger brother who came along three years later and after another beautiful, dainty little girl, have taught me lessons about love that I could never have learned without them.
The truth is both of my boys have proven my preconceptions to be absolutely true. My boys are noisy, active, rough and dirty. They love to wrestle, dig holes in our backyard, climb trees and terrorize their sisters. They track their grime into my house, they burp all the time just to show us they can, they have batting practice in my family room, they scream and yell and chase each other through the kitchen with plastic light sabers and dart guns. My happy home has become a filthy dirt pit, a battle ground and at times a baseball field. So why do I feel so differently about all of it than I thought I would? Why would I not change it for the world? Why, in fact, do I wish more people understood and appreciated the joys of boys?
Because in addition to the craziness they've brought into our lives my little boys have brought me a better understanding of the Lord. I have learned about my own capacity for love, but even more, about the unending love of my Heavenly Father. My oldest son, the most active and impulsive of both my boys, has the most amazing spirituality. His prayers are so deep and so heartfelt, and I look at him in awe and wonder when he kneels in church and bows his head, all on his own, in quiet reflection. He gives of himself so easily and without the complications his sisters always seem to struggle with. But most significantly, from the moment I laid eyes on him as a newborn I have felt a flood of love for him that I truly did not think I could feel for a little boy. He was the first gift that God sent me that was completely different from what I thought I wanted. My son was nothing like what I would have ordered if I had had the chance, yet he is such an indescribably wonderful and amazing child . I have never, since the moment he was born and the doctor announced, "it's a boy! ", felt the disappointment I had once been so sure would come with those words. Instead he, and his little brother, are every bit as incredible a blessing as their beautiful sisters are. And, like all children, they are a constant reminder that God always knows what is really best for us and loves us enough to give us the best. I trust that that is just what He will do this time around as well. So, as we await the ultrasound (and ultimately the birth), we ask for your prayers that baby is healthy, that is honestly the only preference I have.

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