When we first got married Tim predicted that, though at the time, I dreaded dragging myself out of bed at even 9 am, I would one day be a morning person. He was sure that once we had children I would start to rise earlier and even look forward to the mornings when I might steal a few minutes of peace before the kids got up. This, apparently, was what his mother did when he and his four siblings were little and he thought it must be a sort of universal mom thing. I wasn't so sure.
Fortunately for me, our first child was a night owl, like Tim and I, and would sleep until 10 am most mornings, even as a baby. I remember reminding Tim of his prediction and pointing out that it had yet to be fulfilled. In fact, even after our first four children were born, I would burrow under the covers, when morning came, trying to steal a few extra minutes of blessed sleep. Of course, I was not sleeping until 10 am anymore but anything earlier than 8:30 still felt like the middle of the night to me. For the most part, our four children all agreed. Then along came our beautiful fifth child. She certainly looks like she belongs to the family, with her big beautiful eyes and her long (yet very chubby) legs. Her sleep patterns, however, could definitely not have been inherited from me! Here, finally, is Tim's morning person! She awakens, most days, when it is still pitch black outside my window and is ready to start the day by 6 am, if not earlier.
I am desperately hoping she will outgrow this very bad habit quickly! Yet, despite my sincere hope that this is short lived, I am actually starting to appreciate my mother-in-law's wisdom. I have come to discover that there is an amazing peace in the quiet, dark early morning hours. I am now starting my days with prayer as I nurse the baby in virtual silence. I am able to truly reflect on the upcoming day and to even listen for God's quiet voice in the stillness of the new dawn. I can watch from my window as the sun lights up the morning sky and see a special beauty as day breaks and the world comes awake. I feel a little closer to God as I rise to this time of peace and prayer than I did when my day started with the chaos of four children clamoring for breakfast and fighting over who gets to look at the back of the cereal box. I am filled with gratitude for my life and my family as I sit quietly nursing and snuggling my baby instead of being filled with resentment that I must greet a day already filled with bickering and screeching. It seems, these days, this is the only peace and tranquility I have and so, though I still sort of wish it could come at noon, I am savoring every minute of it. Because, deep, deep down, I am hoping that any day now baby will start to sleep till the more reasonable hour of 10 am!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
One in a million
I have been "blogging" for over a year now. I recently spent a little time playing around on the computer and looking at other people's blogs. I discovered pretty quickly that blogs are a dime a dozen. There are millions of them out there, on every topic imaginable. My own blog, in fact is possibly one of the least original out there. If you "googled" blogs by Catholic moms you get 1,460,000 matches. A search for blogs by homeschooling moms will yield 40,500,000 matches. Even blogs entitiled "Overflow" will result in over 5,800,000 matches! I have seen other "little" blogs written by moms just like me with upwards of 400 followers. My blog currently has ten, one of which is my husband. So really, why bother? Do I really have anything unique, original or meaningful to add to the cyberworld in my humble little blog?
Probably not, yet I plan to continue blogging for years to come. Though my words may not be profound, my experiences unique, or my discoveries earth shattering, I really enjoy writing my blog. I enjoy it for many reasons. First of all, I love to write. I've always loved to write. For many years, I was so busy raising my children, taking care of my house, and trying to be a good wife that I did not take the time to indulge my passion for writing. I missed it. Having my blog gives me an outlet and a sort of accountability to write (even if I am accountable only to my ten loyal followers). Second of all, my blog helps me to chronicle the everyday life of caring for my family. My children are growing up way too quickly and the years seem to fly by. If I do not take the time to write about the funny things that happen, the emotions I go through, the chaos of life with all five kids under the age of 12, I am sure I will never remember it all later. Third of all, my blog is a wonderful way to process all of my thoughts, feelings and experiences. It gives me a perspective that I would not otherwise have in the midst of the craziness that is my daily life. So, whether my followers grow to 400 over the years, or drop to only one (I hope Tim will continue to read even if no one else does!) I am grateful for this outlet, and especially for the opportunity to share my life and God's amazing gifts and blessings in it, with anyone who He might send this way. Thank you for reading and I hope God blesses you through these words and the time you have spent in my little corner of cyberspace.
Probably not, yet I plan to continue blogging for years to come. Though my words may not be profound, my experiences unique, or my discoveries earth shattering, I really enjoy writing my blog. I enjoy it for many reasons. First of all, I love to write. I've always loved to write. For many years, I was so busy raising my children, taking care of my house, and trying to be a good wife that I did not take the time to indulge my passion for writing. I missed it. Having my blog gives me an outlet and a sort of accountability to write (even if I am accountable only to my ten loyal followers). Second of all, my blog helps me to chronicle the everyday life of caring for my family. My children are growing up way too quickly and the years seem to fly by. If I do not take the time to write about the funny things that happen, the emotions I go through, the chaos of life with all five kids under the age of 12, I am sure I will never remember it all later. Third of all, my blog is a wonderful way to process all of my thoughts, feelings and experiences. It gives me a perspective that I would not otherwise have in the midst of the craziness that is my daily life. So, whether my followers grow to 400 over the years, or drop to only one (I hope Tim will continue to read even if no one else does!) I am grateful for this outlet, and especially for the opportunity to share my life and God's amazing gifts and blessings in it, with anyone who He might send this way. Thank you for reading and I hope God blesses you through these words and the time you have spent in my little corner of cyberspace.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Anybody want a free boat?
My youngest son is such a happy child. He is easy going and imaginative and loves to talk. Lately his favorite subject is what he is going to be when he grows up. Apparently it is very normal for children his age to ponder their future. I was listening to the radio the other morning and they were discussing a survey of children my son's age concerning their upcoming career choices. The most common answer among five year olds to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" was, "Spiderman", according to the radio announcers.
Though it comes as no surprise to me, my son is a little different than his peers when it comes to his aspirations for adulthood. He has informed me he is going to be a boat seller when he grows up. Where he came up with such a unique career choice is beyond me. We do live in Florida and are completely surrounded by beautiful water, being close to both Tampa Bay and the Gulf of Mexico. We see boats all the time but we do not own a boat, we do not have friends with boats, nor have we ever set foot in a marine store of any sort. In fact, my son has only been on a boat twice in his life. Once when he was only a year and a half old, and more recently on my brother's boat on the pond in his backyard. My son does not remember the first boat trip and was terrified the second time. Of course, the whole time we were in my brother's tiny old dinghy there was an alligator only 15 ft away watching us very closely. Nevertheless, my son is convinced he wants to sell boats when he grows up. He has it all worked out. He will sell big boats and small ones. He, himself, will have a pirate ship and he will give me a free boat too. After I receive my free boat he will come over to my house for dinner and he will give me either 2 or 8 lifejackets, for use on the boat. His sister, much to her disappointment, will have to buy her boat, at the greatly discounted price of only $1. Ironically he has offered free boats to more than one complete stranger upon making their acquaintance even though his only encounter with them has been in line at the grocery store or sitting near them at a friend's birthday party.
I recently discussed the concept of vocations and God's calling for their lives with all of my children. This only further cemented the idea of boat selling in the mind of my youngest son. He promptly declared that God would want him to sell boats with prayers in them, and that his personal pirate ship would have two prayers in it!
I'm not sure my lovable little guy will ever be successful in the boat selling business. After all, you can't expect to earn much profit giving away free boats to every nice person at the grocery store. But, thankfully, I have no doubt with his kind heart, his generosity, and his amazing imagination my son will serve God well in whatever he attempts in life, and isn't that what God calls each of us to do?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Drowning in insecurities
Ever feel like you are drowning in insecurities? I have felt that way for most of my life. I am feeling it even more significantly lately. Where does all this insecurity come from? Is it from the worldly view of what gives us, as people, worth and value? The notion that in order to matter in this world we must be skinny, beautiful, young, and rich? I am, currently, none of these things. There was a time in my life when I was skinny and young, at the very least. Was I any less insecure then? Not really. So, maybe that is not the source of my feelings of inadequacy. Does it come from the judgments and teasing I endured as a child? Well, I was picked on an awful lot throughout my school years. However, my insecurities seemed to be there before all that started. I think my lack of confidence certainly contributed to my falling victim to the bullies in my life, but I don't think they were caused by them. Am I insecure because I was born third in a family of four children, with an older sister only 18 months ahead of me and a younger brother only 15 months behind? Did I, as a middle child, grow up believing I was unimportant and forgotten much of the time? I am not sure it helped me any to be a middle child, but the reality is I cannot blame that either.
My insecurities come from only one thing. Living my life focused on myself and losing sight of serving God. I have come to realize my lack of confidence is just a form of selfishness. It is caused by turning away from God and not trusting enough in Him.
My self worth comes from God. I matter- all of us matter- because we are formed in the image and likeness of our Lord. When we put ourselves at the center of our lives, we forget that God should be our focus. Without God, it makes sense we feel we are lacking. We are lacking something if we fail to worship and serve our Father in heaven. Knowing, loving and serving God is what we were created for!
I see, as I get older, that I am not alone in my insecurities as I so often felt growing up. Instead, many of my friends, family and peers seem to be feeling similar uncertainty and inadequacy. Perhaps, I am also not alone in my struggle to put God at the center of my life. If only, I could strive each day to live the life that God intends for me, how much more peace I would feel. If only I would worry less about living up to some man-made ideal, how much more effective I would be in living a life of consequence. If only I could learn to let go of my own selfishness and trust completely in God, how much greater I could serve Him and others. If only I thought less of myself and more of God how much stronger the relationships in my life would be. If only we could ALL focus on God, how much better our whole world would be!
Help me, God, to put You at the center of my life, to lay aside my desire for reassurance and validation and to, instead, seek to glorify You in all I do. Help me to worry more about bringing You to others and less about bringing others to me! Bless this world we live in, that so desperately hungers for You but so often fails to seek You or to recognize You.
My insecurities come from only one thing. Living my life focused on myself and losing sight of serving God. I have come to realize my lack of confidence is just a form of selfishness. It is caused by turning away from God and not trusting enough in Him.
My self worth comes from God. I matter- all of us matter- because we are formed in the image and likeness of our Lord. When we put ourselves at the center of our lives, we forget that God should be our focus. Without God, it makes sense we feel we are lacking. We are lacking something if we fail to worship and serve our Father in heaven. Knowing, loving and serving God is what we were created for!
I see, as I get older, that I am not alone in my insecurities as I so often felt growing up. Instead, many of my friends, family and peers seem to be feeling similar uncertainty and inadequacy. Perhaps, I am also not alone in my struggle to put God at the center of my life. If only, I could strive each day to live the life that God intends for me, how much more peace I would feel. If only I would worry less about living up to some man-made ideal, how much more effective I would be in living a life of consequence. If only I could learn to let go of my own selfishness and trust completely in God, how much greater I could serve Him and others. If only I thought less of myself and more of God how much stronger the relationships in my life would be. If only we could ALL focus on God, how much better our whole world would be!
Help me, God, to put You at the center of my life, to lay aside my desire for reassurance and validation and to, instead, seek to glorify You in all I do. Help me to worry more about bringing You to others and less about bringing others to me! Bless this world we live in, that so desperately hungers for You but so often fails to seek You or to recognize You.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The saints are crazy!
One of the little girls looked at me incredulously and said, "She was crazy!" This was not what I expected, but her reaction made me smile.
"No," I told her, "St Clare wasn't crazy, she was holy."
Most people in the world seem to agree with my little friend. Holiness, it seems, is viewed as craziness in the world we live in. I, myself, am just starting to understand that true holiness really does require a little something "crazy" though. True holiness, a total and complete focus on and dedication to God, does require us to live in a radically different way than our culture tells us to. The saints were willing to be radically different for the sake of holiness.
Though it is not easy for me, I would like to live more like the saints. I would like to be willing to be radically different than the world around me. My husband and I have had a lot of conversations about this recently. Maybe because our oldest child is now on the brink of her teenage years we have started looking more closely at the choices we make for our family.
We do not watch television, at all. We monitor who our children spend time with. We have chosen to home school. We do not allow our children to "surf the internet" or have their own cell phones, or watch very many of the current movies, and I stay home with our children despite the fact that money is always tight. Many people look at our life and our family, and think we already are living a counter-cultural existence.
We do try but the truth is we could still do so much more. We, as a family, have a long way to go in order to really grow in holiness. Though we try to minimize the worldly influences on our children (and ourselves) our focus is still not where it should be.
The saints are saints because they were willing to put Jesus, and service to Him, at the center of their lives. St. Clare, and all the other saints, were willing to sacrifice all the comforts and selfish pursuits the world has to offer in exchange for something so much better. They trusted in the promise that what they gave in life would be rewarded in heaven.
In fact, they trusted God so much they were willing to do some pretty crazy things for the sake of an eternity of life with Him. As the Bible says in Luke 6:38, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." I, too, believe in these words of scripture, but am I crazy enough to really live them? Are you?
photo from wikipedia
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Maybe I should change my name for the New Year...
When I started my blog, a little over a year ago, I wanted a really unique, creative name for it. I was unable to come up with anything I thought would really fit it, so I turned to Tim for a suggestion. He came up with "Overflow" and though I never did figure out where he got the idea, I took his suggestion. Of course, like many of my great ideas, it came to me much later that I should have called my blog "Happy Chaos", because that is how I often refer to the busy, tiring, lively atmosphere of our home. Happy Chaos is the most accurate description of my home and my life that I have come up with. Most of my blog posts are an attempt to capture a little of this. With 5 children, a husband who works two jobs, the responsibility of educating, as well as caring for the children, and, of course, all the housework, errands, and unexpected mishaps of life, I am surrounded by chaos constantly but I love my big family and want even our chaos to be happy and joy-filled.
Lately though, there seems to be much more of the chaos part of things than the happy. Lately, "overwhelmed" might be a better title for my blog than "Overflow" because that is how I have felt in recent days. Maybe it is the added stress of the holidays, maybe it is the sleep deprivation that has been building for the last four months as I've been getting up with the baby most nights since her birth in August, maybe it is just my own lack of discipline and organization but life in the last few weeks has ceased to be much fun and is instead a whole lot of work that never seems to be done.
With the New Year looming I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to decrease a little of our chaos and increase a bit of our happiness so that my home might be restored to its former state of joyful bedlam. What I'd like is to hire a housekeeper but since there is no way I'm going to fit that into the budget...here's what I have come up with:
1. more discipline. I need a schedule and I need to be disciplined enough to really stick to it.
2. less stuff. We took four big garbage bags of toys to Salvation Army the other day. It was not enough, we need to clean out even more. There is still way too much stuff around my house cluttering up the rooms and overwhelming my mind.
3. more exercise. I have slacked off with my workouts lately and it is showing in my mood and my waistline. Time to get back on track.
4. less time spent playing on the computer. If I took the few minutes here and the few minutes there that I currently spend checking my e-mail or peeking at my Facebook page I would probably have at least a half hour more to devote to doing the dishes or folding the laundry.
5. more prayer. Okay, so this one should have come first, prayer should always come first. In fact, if I can be more consistent about putting prayer first, I will probably be better at accomplishing all the other things on my list.
God knows I need a lot of help if I am really going to make the changes I need to make, in order to be more productive, more peaceful, and more happy in the New Year. In fact, I will willingly accept any prayers you, my devoted (or at least curious) readers, may offer on my behalf as well. With love and gratitude, I thank you and I hopefully anticipate many more happy yet chaotic days to come in 2010!
Lately though, there seems to be much more of the chaos part of things than the happy. Lately, "overwhelmed" might be a better title for my blog than "Overflow" because that is how I have felt in recent days. Maybe it is the added stress of the holidays, maybe it is the sleep deprivation that has been building for the last four months as I've been getting up with the baby most nights since her birth in August, maybe it is just my own lack of discipline and organization but life in the last few weeks has ceased to be much fun and is instead a whole lot of work that never seems to be done.
With the New Year looming I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to decrease a little of our chaos and increase a bit of our happiness so that my home might be restored to its former state of joyful bedlam. What I'd like is to hire a housekeeper but since there is no way I'm going to fit that into the budget...here's what I have come up with:
1. more discipline. I need a schedule and I need to be disciplined enough to really stick to it.
2. less stuff. We took four big garbage bags of toys to Salvation Army the other day. It was not enough, we need to clean out even more. There is still way too much stuff around my house cluttering up the rooms and overwhelming my mind.
3. more exercise. I have slacked off with my workouts lately and it is showing in my mood and my waistline. Time to get back on track.
4. less time spent playing on the computer. If I took the few minutes here and the few minutes there that I currently spend checking my e-mail or peeking at my Facebook page I would probably have at least a half hour more to devote to doing the dishes or folding the laundry.
5. more prayer. Okay, so this one should have come first, prayer should always come first. In fact, if I can be more consistent about putting prayer first, I will probably be better at accomplishing all the other things on my list.
God knows I need a lot of help if I am really going to make the changes I need to make, in order to be more productive, more peaceful, and more happy in the New Year. In fact, I will willingly accept any prayers you, my devoted (or at least curious) readers, may offer on my behalf as well. With love and gratitude, I thank you and I hopefully anticipate many more happy yet chaotic days to come in 2010!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A life of ease
I spend an awful lot of my time trying to make myself happy. I try to do all the things I want to do and avoid the things I don't want to do. Everything in the world and popular culture tells me this should be the very best way to achieve real lasting happiness. I have noticed, though, that even when I am successful in doing only the things I like to do and getting out of doing all the things I dislike, I am never really as happy as I should be...
For example, I cannot stand to do dishes. I just loath standing at the sink working my way through piles of sticky, soggy, dirty dishes encrusted with such appetizing fare as half-chewed meat, mushy cereal and other equally disgusting yet totally unidentifiable leftovers. Thankfully, I have figured out how to avoid this dreaded job entirely. I have delegated dishes to the kids. It sounds perfect, doesn't it? If the kids do the dishes then first of all I don't have to, second of all, they will learn responsibility and third of all they will be doing their part to help out around the house. Unfortunately, it never seems to work out so perfectly. My four year old is suppose to unload the dishwasher but before he actually does the job he usually spends about ten minutes laying on the floor crying and whining about having to do it. My 8 year old and 11 year old take turns loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher but they must be nagged repeatedly before they get around to the work. And then they feel the need to argue about whose turn it is every single time they are reminded that the sink is overflowing. Which brings me to yet another problem, the sink is always overflowing. It seems the children can never stay on top of the job because they are so much better at creating dirty dishes than cleaning them. So, though I should be thrilled about never having to face the filthy plates myself, the current "solution" hardly makes me happy. It really would be easier to just do the dishes myself.
In contrast, one thing I love to do is to sleep in. Getting a few extra hours of rest in the morning sounds like the greatest luxury to me. This week, because the kids and I are on our Christmas break and Tim is on vacation from work, I have had the chance to indulge in this oh-so-rare treat. The baby, who just a few weeks ago was sleeping through the night, has completely regressed and is now getting up every few hours again so that makes sleeping in all that much more appealing. This morning I had the opportunity to sleep until 10 am. How wonderful! Except, when I did get up, the kitchen was a total disaster. The overflowing sink was now completely buried under a mass of dishes that overflowed off the edge of the counter. The table had even more dirty dishes scattered all over, sticky spills covered much of the wood finish, and the gallon jug of milk sat spoiling in the midst of it all. The floor too was covered in sticky spots and crushed cereal. It was practically lunch time before I could get myself a little breakfast because it took that long to locate a spoon and clear a spot in the sink to wash it. I guess getting up an hour earlier probably would have made for a happier morning.
My life is full of so many examples like this. Everyday there are opportunities to be disciplined enough to make my life and my house more efficient and organized and so often I miss the opportunities because I am too busy trying to take the easy way out. Yet, always the easy way turns out so much harder and makes me so much less happy. Why, I wonder, does doing what I want make me so miserable and make my life so much more difficult? I guess the real question should be: why can I not see more clearly that doing what God wants me to do is what truly makes me happy even when it requires so much more sacrifice?
I suppose I am just weak, slow to learn, and maybe even a little selfish but, thankfully, God is patient and He will guide me and strengthen me if only I ask. So, I pray, "God help me to rise above my desire for laziness and ease so that I may serve You better and know the joy and peace of doing what is right and good."
For example, I cannot stand to do dishes. I just loath standing at the sink working my way through piles of sticky, soggy, dirty dishes encrusted with such appetizing fare as half-chewed meat, mushy cereal and other equally disgusting yet totally unidentifiable leftovers. Thankfully, I have figured out how to avoid this dreaded job entirely. I have delegated dishes to the kids. It sounds perfect, doesn't it? If the kids do the dishes then first of all I don't have to, second of all, they will learn responsibility and third of all they will be doing their part to help out around the house. Unfortunately, it never seems to work out so perfectly. My four year old is suppose to unload the dishwasher but before he actually does the job he usually spends about ten minutes laying on the floor crying and whining about having to do it. My 8 year old and 11 year old take turns loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher but they must be nagged repeatedly before they get around to the work. And then they feel the need to argue about whose turn it is every single time they are reminded that the sink is overflowing. Which brings me to yet another problem, the sink is always overflowing. It seems the children can never stay on top of the job because they are so much better at creating dirty dishes than cleaning them. So, though I should be thrilled about never having to face the filthy plates myself, the current "solution" hardly makes me happy. It really would be easier to just do the dishes myself.
In contrast, one thing I love to do is to sleep in. Getting a few extra hours of rest in the morning sounds like the greatest luxury to me. This week, because the kids and I are on our Christmas break and Tim is on vacation from work, I have had the chance to indulge in this oh-so-rare treat. The baby, who just a few weeks ago was sleeping through the night, has completely regressed and is now getting up every few hours again so that makes sleeping in all that much more appealing. This morning I had the opportunity to sleep until 10 am. How wonderful! Except, when I did get up, the kitchen was a total disaster. The overflowing sink was now completely buried under a mass of dishes that overflowed off the edge of the counter. The table had even more dirty dishes scattered all over, sticky spills covered much of the wood finish, and the gallon jug of milk sat spoiling in the midst of it all. The floor too was covered in sticky spots and crushed cereal. It was practically lunch time before I could get myself a little breakfast because it took that long to locate a spoon and clear a spot in the sink to wash it. I guess getting up an hour earlier probably would have made for a happier morning.
My life is full of so many examples like this. Everyday there are opportunities to be disciplined enough to make my life and my house more efficient and organized and so often I miss the opportunities because I am too busy trying to take the easy way out. Yet, always the easy way turns out so much harder and makes me so much less happy. Why, I wonder, does doing what I want make me so miserable and make my life so much more difficult? I guess the real question should be: why can I not see more clearly that doing what God wants me to do is what truly makes me happy even when it requires so much more sacrifice?
I suppose I am just weak, slow to learn, and maybe even a little selfish but, thankfully, God is patient and He will guide me and strengthen me if only I ask. So, I pray, "God help me to rise above my desire for laziness and ease so that I may serve You better and know the joy and peace of doing what is right and good."
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