Right here with me...

            “God is all present, that means He is everywhere, all the time.  He is right here with us even now.”  We were talking about catechism lessons with some friends this morning.  We discussed that God is eternal and that He is all good, and then we discussed that He is always present.  

I believe all these things.  I believe in God’s goodness-- His love, His power, and yes, His constant presence in my life.  I believe these things and always have, even from childhood.  But, I believe them mostly in my mind.  Intellectually, I know these things to be true.  I believe in my Church and I believe in the theology I have been taught.  

My mind is aware of, and fully accepts, the truths of my faith.  

My heart... sometimes doubts.  

So, as we talked this morning about God being present, right there next to us, I knew it was true.  In my mind there was no doubt.  But this week has had its challenges- a lack of motivation when it comes to school work, a few sleepless nights, a painful migraine headache, the daily struggle to be patient and selfless.  Just an ordinary week with ordinary challenges, but so often it is the little things that wear me out and fill my heart with questioning.  

Even as my mind believes and insists that God is present, my heart sometimes screams out- “God I know you are here but where?  I know you are near but I don’t see you working in my life, I don’t feel you here next to me.”

               It is amazing how often, while teaching my children, I end up learning, or re-learning, so much myself.  God spoke to me this morning- through my children’s catechism lesson.  He reminded me of His love and His presence when He knew I most needed the reminder. 

It is true that we do not always feel God nearby.  It is true we do not always see Him at work.  The greatest of saints struggled to see and feel Him at times too.  But it is just as true that God is here, and He is all good, and He is helping us through the struggles--big ones and little ones too. 

Not "just a mom"?

            It all started back around Labor Day.   First, in the bulletin from Church there was something about how our work is sacred.  It said that that we, as Catholics, believe our work is how we serve our Lord and how we find purpose in our days.  The time we spend at work is valuable and meaningful and our work allows us opportunities to use the gifts God blesses us with.  After reading that bulletin, it seemed the message was everywhere—in conversations with friends, in songs on the radio, in homilies even weeks later.  

            Now I know the work I do within my home counts.  I know that caring for my children and keeping up with the housework and supporting Tim is sacred work.  I know, without a doubt, it is important and meaningful.  But all that talk about work might have been more than just a reminder that what I do for my family matters.  

            I don’t know if God was sending me a message or if He was preparing me for what He knew was coming........ because I find myself, after 14 years at home with my children, re-entering the working world- just a little.  

After all those messages of work being sacred, Tim and I talked and talked and talked about me going back to work.  It had been so long since I worked outside of the home and, really, until recently I had not even thought about it.  I have always been quite content raising my children, caring for my home, being “just a mom”.  But as we talked, Tim and I decided together that maybe it was time for me to take on a part-time job.  Nothing too strenuous, nothing that would take me away for long periods of time, nothing that would interfere with home schooling or with our family time but something that might bring in a little money and allow me the chance to take on a little more work.  

I had mixed emotions as I contemplated the idea of being employed once again.  I felt worried, guilty, excited, and nervous all at once.  I have never felt any desire to be a career woman.  I have never felt I needed a job outside the home to validate me.  I have never wanted anything to come before my family.  Yet, here I was deciding to go back to work while my kids are still at home and need me.  And, strangely enough, I felt it was the right thing to do- what God was calling me to and though I was nervous, I really was also excited about it.  

I found a job quite easily.  I began last week and am happy to report that it really is the perfect fit for what I was looking for.  I work only in the evenings and on weekends, when Tim is home with the children.  My hours are minimal—just a few shifts here and there, not more than 10-15 hours a week.   The job will not interfere with home schooling.  It will not take me away much and it is only a few minutes from home.  Tim and the kids are supportive and at peace with the situation.  The work is enjoyable and gives me a chance to work with and meet new people.  

So, though it still sounds strange to me- I guess I am a working mother now.  But really, I still feel like “just a mom”.

Two Great Stories!

For two great pro-life stories, the first a heartwarming true story,
and the other a fabulous give-away of a wonderfully inspirational fiction book [mine! ;)  The Life I Dreamed] 

Check out the Mom Squad blog for Spirit FM 90.5 in Tampa Bay, Florida.

Exercising self-control

My older son has always been one to test his boundaries and push the limits.  He has always been a little too smart for MY own good (if not his own) and often has a way of manipulating me despite my efforts to not be taken in by his charms or scheming.  My son has also always much preferred unhealthy sugary snacks over good-for-you foods like fruits and vegetables.  Everyone at my house sort of feels the same, even Tim and I, so this month I have declared a break from sweets.  As I was contemplating the challenge of a month without desserts, I remembered a time from my older son’s toddler years……

 

It was in the evening, after dinner.  I was probably a little tired and worn down from the day.  My son had already been served dessert but, not surprisingly, he wanted more.  When he asked, I decisively answered, “no”.  

As is his way, he asked again.  As is my way, I tried to be firm and said, “no” again. 

He still wasn’t satisfied with that answer so I went on to explain the importance of moderation.  I should have known better than to engage in a debate of any sort with a toddler and especially with this particular toddler, nevertheless...…..   

“No more dessert.  We must exercise a little self-control,” I told my precocious little boy.  His eyes lit up in understanding and without a word he promptly took off running excitedly around the house a few times. Then he came back to me smiling, “I exercised my self-control mommy, now can I have more dessert?”

Laughing, I gave in and gave him more sweets.  After all, he did exercise. 

In the struggle...

It is in the struggle that we are made holy. 

My spiritual director reminds me of this regularly.

These are truly words to live by.  They are words that sustain me MANY days.  

But, I hate that they are so true.

A season of LIFE!

            This weekend was the official beginning of Fall!  Of course, in my neck of the woods, that doesn’t mean a whole lot.  After all, it is 87 degrees out as I write this at 7 p.m.  Fall in Florida doesn’t necessarily mean cooler weather and it doesn’t ever mean beautiful Fall colors on the trees.  Maybe that is why I am not thinking about the changing of the season so much anyway.  I find myself thinking more about the upcoming election and the changes that might mean for us.  And, I find myself thinking about the issue of abortion in this country.  

I do not know how the election will go.  I honestly try not to think about it too much lest I lose sleep and/or cause myself an ulcer.  As I try to avoid all things political for the next 7 weeks or so, I will be focusing on more positive pursuits instead.  Because two important things come in the Fall that should set our minds and our prayers on the sanctity of life and the importance of fighting for it.

            First is 40 days for Life.  The kick off in my diocese is this coming Tuesday.  We will begin with a prayer vigil at my Church and the prayers will then continue for 40 days in front of the local abortion “clinic” where volunteers will stand every day and offer their heartfelt prayers for an end to abortion and for the many victims of that sinful “choice” in this country.  40 days for Life has become an annual tradition for my family and this year will be no different. 

            Then, October is respect life month.  A whole month, probably not coincidentally the final month leading up to the election, we will focus on promoting a culture of life and spreading the word about respecting the gift of life from the womb to the tomb.  A message this country REALLY needs!

            In honor of this season of promoting and celebrating the gift of life, I want to share a little excerpt from my novel.  Normally, I do not use my blog posts to plug my book but because this issue is so close to my heart and because I want to do all I can to fight for a culture of life and because my novel is ALL about living out pro-life values, I think it is only appropriate…..  So here is just a tiny peek at The Life I Dreamed,  a pro-life Catholic story that will hopefully warm your heart and inspire you to spread the message that life is a gift and children are a blessing:

“Emmy, I am afraid she will have an abortion.  She doesn’t want her mom to find out.  I was thinking maybe if we went with her to tell her mom.  Maybe if she felt she had some support she would make the right decision.”  

“When are we going to do that?” I asked thinking realistically about the logistics of such a talk.  “When do you think we can find the time to sit down with this girl and her mom and have a long heart-to-heart about her future?  And, really, do you want to get in the middle of this family’s tragedy?  It isn’t really our place, and besides we have the kids, and they certainly can’t tag along for that.”

“I don’t know Emmy, but she needs somebody to be on her side.  She needs somebody to help her out and I don’t think there is anybody else.”  Now it was Jason's turn to shrug his shoulders.........

I tried to put the whole thing out of my mind as best I could.  At the store, I concentrated instead on filling the grocery cart without emptying our bank account.  I added up each item on my pocket calculator just as I did every week, and carefully chose my purchases to stay within our budget.  When Marie asked for pop-tarts and Jane begged for the cereal with marshmallows I explained impatiently that those things weren’t on the list but the whole time I shopped my mind was on Kaila Noble.  I still could not really picture her yet in my mind, I imagined a young blond girl alone, scared and worried, and still trying to pretend everything was fine in front of her mom and her friends.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe she did need someone; though I was quite sure we were not the best ones for the job....

 The book is available in its entirety from Amazon in both paperback and Kindle edition
If you live in the Tampa Bay area and can get the book from me personally, I also have brand new paperback copies available at a discounted price.