Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Crying out in the night

About 8 and a half years ago Tim and I began a hunt. We were hunting for our first house. We had been living in a 2 bedroom townhouse and were expecting our 2nd child. We knew we needed more room for our growing family. As we searched through house after house I was surprised to discover that many of the house descriptions boasted of a "spilt-bedroom plan". This meant the houses were designed with the master bedroom on one side of the house and all the other bedrooms on the exact opposite side, with every other room situated between them. Apparently, this is a very popular floor plan in Florida. I was not exactly sure it held any appeal for me. As we viewed house after house with this wonderful concept of split bedrooms I just kept picturing myself, half asleep and groggy, tripping over the kitchen table, the couch, the entertainment center, and other various pieces of furniture and toys on the way to my crying child who needed me in the dark of the night. I am not at my best when awakened suddenly in the middle of the night! Tim and I knew we wanted a big family and I figured I would be responding to midnight cries from children for a good ten years to come. I think we were the first ones she'd ever heard it from but, we told our real estate agent to find us a home without a split bedroom plan!
Thankfully, after a lot of prayer and a whole lot of frustration, God led us to a perfect house. It was in our price range (though, at the time, on the high end), had 4 bedrooms, and amazingly, no split bedroom plan! The master bedroom was at the back of the house and the other bedrooms were a straight shot down an unobstructed hallway, about 15 feet away. In the eight years that have followed we have filled the four bedrooms very nicely by adding not only one more baby, but three and a half (officially four in August!) more! We have also created a well worn path down that hallway between the bedrooms! Though our oldest is nearing her 11th birthday she still needs her mommy occasionally in the night. Her siblings do much more regularly. So much for ten more years of midnight duty calls- I'm thinking it will be closer to twenty when all is said and done!
Last night as I comforted, first my oldest daughter who was having trouble sleeping at about 11 pm, and then my younger daughter, who had a bad dream at about 4 am, I was reminded of our house search all those years ago. I was immediately grateful that God had given Tim and I the wisdom to see what we would need in our house.
What struck me the most, however, was how amazing it is that when my children are scared and worried in the middle of the night (and at any time for that matter) my mere presence is enough to bring them comfort and peace. Again, I thank God for that, for as I said, I am not at my best in the wee hours of the day and sometimes my presence is all I can really offer!
Perhaps I had these revelations last night because, lately, I have experienced my own middle of the night fears and worries. Many nights I have awakened, and like my children, been filled with trepidation, irrational fears, and unending uncertainties. Like the child I am, when I am scared I turn to my heavenly Father for comfort. His mere presence, as I call out to Him in prayer, is usually enough to calm my worst fears and fill me with peace so that I can rest in His love as my own children rest in mine. Though God's peace is perfect and mine is often groggy and deficient, He has used this ordinary part of life to show me His love in many ways. How humbling that our Lord allows me to share even a tiny bit in His goodness by providing my children with a taste of His love and peace, as He works through me to comfort my children. How beautiful that I can see His completely perfect unconditional love for me, as I offer my unconditional, though far from perfect, love to my children. I may not be at my best in the middle of the night but God is always at His best and He has given me some of my best glimpses of His love at those moments I when I am still a little groggy and half sleep. Even with my eyes half open, I can see His perfection and love!

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...