Saturday, July 11, 2009

I quit!

I want to be a fabulous housekeeper. I want to be a terrific cook. I want to be a supportive, subservient wife. I want to be a patient, understanding, perfect mother. I want to focus on God each and every moment and serve Him in all I do. I realized today, maybe I am aiming too high. Maybe I am doing a little too much. Not that my goals are wrong but, the reality is, I am no where near reaching them and instead I am living a life of disappointment and guilt and regret.
I am NOT a fabulous housekeeper. I am a mediocre housekeeper. My house is pretty well picked up and I don't always stick to the kitchen floor when I walk across it but it is far from spotless. I am NOT a terrific cook. My family is fed three meals a day. We actually do sit down to dinner as a family most nights, but often the food comes out of a box or is whipped together and lacks a little in the taste and nutrition department. I am often NOT patient, understanding or anywhere near perfect. Just ask my children. I am sometimes short, and grumpy; and there are days I yell an awful lot. I am NOT a supportive, subservient wife. I try to tell Tim how much I appreciate him and I try to be there to support him when I can, but I fall short much of the time. And, I'm pretty sure I have not achieved subservient for even a moment in all our almost 13 years of marriage. I am NOT serving God at all times. I usually focus on my own wants, desires, and weaknesses, stopping to pray only at bedtime and then apologizing for all my sinful moments, only to repeat the process the next day.
And so, today I quit! Though I desperately desire to be perfect like my heavenly Father is perfect, I cannot do it on my own. Though, I would love to be self sufficient, a super mom and super wife, I am only human and as weak as the very worst sinner. And so, I have no alternative but to quit. I quit trying to do it all and especially trying to do it all myself. I quit focusing on what I want to be and what I think I should be. I quit tackling too much and then resenting all I have to do. I quit feeling guilty and ineffective and beating myself up. I quit the pursuit of perfection. Instead I will focus on being the best me I can be, not a perfect me, but the best weak, fallen, mediocre me I can be. I will accept myself for who I am, and who God created me to be. I will invite God into every moment, not so I can feel holy and saint-like, but so He can work through me and accomplish the work that He has chosen for me. I will admit that I am not super mom or super wife, and that I never will be. I will think more about enjoying my family and less about dazzling them with my flawlessness. I'm pretty sure they like me fine the way I am. I will try to do the same.
So, God, I lay it all at Your feet. Once again, I confess my weakness and sinfulness but this time I pray that You will complete Your work in me. I will do my best to step aside, to trust in You, and to let You be the perfect One.


  1. I quit too! Thanks for putting some things into perspective for me.

  2. I loved reading this!!Thanks-I feel the same way : )



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