A better mother, a better writer

I had the exciting opportunity to be interviewed about my book and about my experience of writing it a few nights ago.  Pete Bauer, an amazingly talented writer, an award-winning Catholic film maker, and a devoted husband and father, asked me to be a guest on his podcast.  It was not the first time I have shared my writing journey with others but it was the first time I did so with a microphone in front of me.  (The interview will be available for your listening pleasure on July 23rd at petebauerblog.wordpress.com)

At first I was a bit nervous but once we got started, it was actually a lot of fun and I was able to relax and enjoy the conversation despite my initial nerves.  As soon as I got home though, I started replaying all of my answers over in my mind.  I thought about how I could have answered some things better and how I could have explained myself in different words.  But the more I thought about it and reviewed the evening, the more I discovered some amazing insights that came out of the conversation.  

In the interview, I talked about how I approach novel writing and how I develop my story lines and about the challenge of juggling motherhood and writing simultaneously.  And I realized, as I thought about it all, that being a mother has really made me a better writer and being a writer has really made me a better mother. 

Motherhood, and especially stay-at-home motherhood, allows me quite a bit of mental downtime.  That may seem silly considering I am often busy multitasking to meet everyone’s needs and to keep up with all the demands of my home and family.  But there is inherent in housework a lot of time to contemplate.  As I wash a sink full of dishes, or mop my kitchen floor, or fold a basket of laundry, or clean the bathroom mirrors, my mind tends to wander to things other than the task at hand.

It was as I went through the mindless motions of house cleaning that my first novel was born in my mind.  It started, of course, with an initial idea- what if a stay at home mother, like myself, was asked to take on more than she thought she could handle by helping out a pregnant teenager on top of raising her brood of toddlers?  The idea grew and came to life while I was busy tending to my own little brood of children.  My characters took over my thoughts while I scrubbed sticky pots and pans.  My plot unfolded in my mind while my hands folded piles of jeans and t-shirts.  Dialogue poured forth in my thoughts as I took my children for walks around the block or changed my little one’s diapers.  

When finally I was able to sit down and start writing, I already knew what the story would be: from beginning through middle to final end.  It had come to me over months and months mulling it over as I mothered my children.  In fact, without the blessing of stay-at-home motherhood I don’t think I could have written my story.  I would not have had the opportunity to develop the story details and plot twist had I not had the inspiration from my own family or the time to ponder it all while caring for them.  

So, it is pretty easy to see how being a mother helped me to be a writer (especially considering my first book was about a young stay-at-home mother) but how can being a writer possibly make me a better mother?

All that mental downtime can get to me at times.  I’m not one who particularly enjoys menial household tasks like changing diapers or vacuuming the bedrooms.  I never looked forward to midnight feedings with my babies.   

Writing has made those difficult tasks of mothering more bearable.  In fact, it was a story I have yet to pen that made the sleepless nights with my youngest child not only do-able but enjoyable.  My little one was not a good sleeper and would awaken me time after time each night all the way through her first year.  Instead of dreading another late night feeding each time I heard her cries though, I would think about my characters and write, write, write in my head as I waited for my daughter to fall back to sleep.  That (as yet unwritten) book saved me from becoming completely overrun with exhaustion because the story would invigorate me and keep me awake as the baby nursed.

A rare moment of rest with my little one (back in 2009)

Even today, with no nursing babies and few middle of the night wake up calls, I sometimes get bored playing matchbox cars or play-doh with my children.  I wish it weren’t so but sometimes, I crave more than long days filled with pre-school games and juvenile conversations.  My children are absolutely among my greatest blessings and motherhood is undoubtedly one of my greatest gifts, but sometimes, I need something more to fill my mind than what to cook for dinner or what load of laundry should take precedence- whites or colors?  

My family will always come before any writing projects I might take on, but thankfully, the (pre-)writing can happen in the midst of putting my family first.  Writing offers me the creative outlet I need without taking me away from my children.  Oh, sometimes I am a little too wrapped up in my current story idea and I may not be fully mindful of the flow of matchbox traffic on the car rug or the right cookie cutter shape my daughter wants for her purple play-doh, but for the most part, I can enjoy being with my children and still ponder my book in the back of my mind.  We can all get what we need and be together and content. 

Of course, I could be a good mother without being a writer.  And if God had not blessed me with children, I’m sure I would still write in some capacity.  But, I am quite sure, I would be neither as good a mother nor as good a writer, if I were not blessed with both gifts from God.

Finding my place....

            I’ve been blogging for nearly five years now.  I began without having ever read a blog.  I had high hopes though and lots of great ideas.

 

I first envisioned my blog as a sort of online devotional.  I would share my stories of God working in my ordinary life and then add a thought or two for reflection.  I blogged with the hope that my stories might bring others closer to God.  

When I started, I was completely unaware that there existed a community of bloggers, who connect and share and build strong bonds through their little corners of cyberspace.  But, I soon discovered the world of Catholic “mom blogs” and the beautiful connections that came with them.  With that, my blog focus changed to be more of a mom blog.  It made perfect sense because all of my “devotional” stories were, at least in part, related to my experiences with motherhood.  

It’s really hard to be a successful mom blogger without being willing to share your children’s names and photos though.  That extra personal, visual touch aids A LOT in building connections.  Before I ever started blogging, Tim and I had decided that we weren’t comfortable putting our children’s names and faces online.  So my success as a mom blogger has been somewhat challenging.  And while I have lost a lot of my initial fear concerning the safety of sharing my children’s identities online (thus the baby pictures in my header), Tim and I still feel better erring on the side of caution when it concerns our children.  Thankfully, I have been blessed with some wonderful online friends and have made some beautiful connections even without sharing many pictures or any names.

And lately, my blog has sort of morphed again anyway.  I have always enjoyed writing and as my children gain a bit more independence leaving behind infancy and toddlerhood, I have had more time to devote to writing.  I have re-discovered the joy of fiction and the fun of exploring the written word more creatively.  My blog has become a place where I write about writing as much as anything else these days.  

So, over the years my focus has faltered a lot and now I wonder, what kind of blog do I really have? Is it really a devotional blog to inform and inspire, as I had originally hoped?  Is it a mom blog for offering support and sharing parenting ideas? Is it a writing blog where I share my passion for the written word?  Can it be all three?  

This is where my blogging thoughts and prayers have been focused this summer.  Without a clear vision, my blog has fizzled a bit in recent months so it seems fitting to take a break while I figure it all out.  Until I really discern the perfect answer, I will continue to pray and listen for God’s guidance… It may be days, or weeks, or months (!?!?!?!?)  But when I return full force to the blogging world, hopefully, I will have a clearer focus and renewed enthusiasm ……

Not done yet.....

 I feel like I should hang a sign here that reads, "Under Construction" as I prayerfully discern what direction my blogging will go in in the future.  But, rest assured, whatever decision I ultimately come to-- 

Stay tuned, I'm not done yet........

A giveaway in celebration of my 1st anniversary!

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the publishing of my book, The Life I Dreamed! 

Unfortunately, I'm not on the New York Times best seller list and I have yet to make a million dollars, so things haven't gone as I had hoped....  (I am TOTALLY kidding, I PROMISE!)  

The first year of being a published author has been surprising in almost every way.   But in reality, the experience of writing, self-publishing, marketing, and selling my novel has far surpassed even my wildest imaginings.  Seeing my very own words in print, holding my completed novel in my hands, hearing from others that my book touched them, receiving the CWG Seal of Approval, reading positive reviews of my writing and my story.  It has all been indescribably overwhelming and amazingly humbling.  To know God has used me and my story has made this past year a year like no other.  

And I am so grateful.

So to celebrate 12 months of God blessing me through this experience and in an effort to thank Him for His gifts, I will be offering the Kindle version of my book FREE tomorrow (June 28, 2013).  Please go to Amazon to download your own copy and tell your friends and family all about the opportunity.  

And thank you so very much to all who have supported me, encouraged me, and helped me spread the word! 

Throwing in the towel....

            I embarked on a mission this summer.  Just 20 days ago, I wrote a post all about how I was going to spend this summer accomplishing a goal that I had set back last fall.  I was going to, out of sheer determination if nothing else, finish editing the novel I wrote back in November.  I would succeed at any cost!

November was a crazy month.  Despite having just started a part time job (my first outside-the-house job since having children), I signed up for NaNoWriMo 2012.  I knew it was a long shot- trying to write a novel while working and home schooling the children.  I knew my story idea was very vague and undeveloped too.  But one of the mottos of NaNo is “No plot?  No problem.”  It’s all about writing just to get the words on paper.  The hope, I guess, is that plot will come as you go along.   

            After I’d finished and “won”, I knew my story needed lots of work though.  The “No plot, No problem” attitude really did ring true for the duration of the month.  But in the months that followed….having 50,000+ words of a rough, plot-less, first draft, was a major obstacle to story success, of course.  I had my doubts even then.   I figured it was a good effort but not worth trying to fix.  I put it aside for the winter- both physically and cognitively.

But, I am not a quitter.  When I start something, I see it through to the finish.  So, over the spring, I kept thinking about that unfinished story and I talked myself into tackling it as a summer project.  The basic skeleton of a story was there (or so I told myself as I remembered my efforts)- so with time and patience and perseverance, I knew I could make something great of it.  I committed myself wholeheartedly to the task.  I was optimistic, excited, and, above all, determined.  I would succeed.

From day one, I was plagued with problems.  The story was just lacking.  It had no clear focus.  My characters didn’t know what they wanted or where they were going.  I liked the characters and who they were.  I had the tiniest details of their personalities and their lives worked out, but I didn’t have the big things worked out.  I kept getting caught up in the details and running into mental road blocks whenever I tried to work out the big issues.  I checked out books from the library all about novel writing and read them cover to cover.  But, the books, rather than shedding light on my editing efforts, ended up illuminated even more problems.

Anyway, suffice to say I was driving myself (and my husband who patiently listen to me rattle on and on about my struggles each and every evening) CRAZY.  It was an emotional process of trying to make something work in a story that nothing was working in.  I was fighting a losing battle but refusing, REFUSING! to give in.  I just wouldn’t fail and I wouldn’t quit.  

 Still, it wasn’t working.  So, I prayed and prayed and agonized and agonized.  

God told me what He wanted.  He asked me to give it up.  He reminded me that I need to be a mother first and that He wanted me with my children this summer, emotionally as well as physically.  (Incidentally, God speaks to me a lot- through Scripture, through the words of others, and through countless other sources too.  He gets His points across, if only I am willing to listen) 

I got the message loud and clear.  But, at first, I was still refusing.  I wanted to press on anyway.  I could do it.  I knew I could.  “I am committed to success,” I told myself.  But, that “no plot” thing is really obstinate when it comes to editing and God kept patiently calling me away.  

So, finally-- I threw in the towel on my 2^nd novel.  

It was not worth the emotional struggle, not worth the time and energy.  My summer is now on a different track.  No more mission.  No more mountain climbing.  No more stubborn refusal to succeed at any cost.  

I am focusing on my children instead, and on enjoying writing (when I can) and on relaxing.  It is not what I planned or what I thought I wanted, but life is full of sacrifices and sometimes real success comes in being willing to fail…..

The Anecdote to Sin

           I turn on the television and it is on every show.  I open a magazine and it is in every headline.  I flip through the local radio stations and every song promotes it.  Sin is running rampant through our world.  And ours is a world that not only accepts sin, it seeks to normalize it, at times, even celebrates it.

It’s true that we all fall prey to sin.  It is an unavoidable part of the human condition.  I remember reading once that even Bl. John Paul II, seeing his own sinfulness, went to confession every week.  But, though, we cannot avoid all sin, all the time despite even our very best efforts, we must never give in to the belief that sin is acceptable, or normal, or worthy of celebration.  Sin is evil, pure and simple. 

 
           But there is hope!  read more.....

An unexpected lesson in greatness....

            Saturday evening, we found ourselves at the 4 p.m. vigil Mass.  We don’t normally attend Mass on Saturday but one of the scheduled altar servers had fallen ill, so my son stepped up to take his place.  When we entered the church, we saw an invitation to all parishioners posted in the narthex.  

 “Please join us following the 4 p.m. Mass in the Parish Hall for a reception celebrating the 70^th anniversary of ordination for Fr. Basil,” it said.  

             Fr. Basil has been a retired priest at our parish for 26 years.  Being present at the Mass celebrating his 70 years of priestly service was just incredible.  He is nearly 97 years old and has lived an unbelievably extraordinary life…..  

Coming from the Byzantine rite, he was married before being ordained to the priesthood.  He and his wife were blessed with three children but seven months after the birth of their third child, his wife died.  As tragic as that was- it was only the beginning of his struggles.  

He lived in Romania at a time when Catholics were persecuted.  When he refused to deny allegiance to the Pope, he was jailed.  His still very young children were sent to an orphanage.  He was physically tortured.  Still, he held fast to his beliefs.  After many years, he was released and allowed to reclaim his children.  In time, he was able to come to America but his children were not.  He was forced to leave them for a second time.  

Amazingly, his middle child, Sergio, followed in his footsteps and became a priest.  Along with our pastor and associate pastor and, of course,  Fr. Basil, Fr. Sergio was one of the four priests celebrating the Mass.  I couldn’t help but think, there was so much meaning in those two men- father and son- standing next to each other celebrating Mass.  There was so much significance in the two of them, both as priests (Father and Father), sharing this celebration together after all the heartbreak they’ve both experienced in life. 

            On our way home after Mass, there was so much I wanted to say to my children.  I wanted to ask them….

What did you think of that Mass?  Did you see the beauty and the symbolism in the four holy priests con-celebrating together, all joined around the altar of the Lord?  Could you see heaven touching us here on earth as they prayed the words of Consecration together?  Did you realize that together those four holy men represented at least 150 years of consecrated service to Our Lord?  That we were truly in the presence of greatness and holiness- as we are at every Mass?

When our pastor gave his homily and shared the life story of Fr. Basil, did you find yourselves wondering- could I do what he did?  Could I stand strong in my faith and lay down my life so completely?  Could I go to jail and give up my comforts and even my own family rather than renounce my Catholic faith?   Would I undergo torture for my beliefs? 

Were you surprised to hear his life story and to learn of his strength, while seeing him sit there looking so safe and ordinary?  Were you inspired to greatness yourself by looking at that frail, humble man who has given so much to Our Lord?  

            I wanted to take the opportunity to drive home so many lessons but I decided to just let the experience, and Fr. Basil’s story, speak for itself….