I write a lot about how my children
are growing up so fast. How the years
fly by and I want so much to slow things down a little and keep my children
young as long as possible. So it is not
surprising that I have been thinking about growing children and the pace of
maturing and the world we live in.
My children’s childhoods DO feel as
though they are passing by at an alarming rate and I DO wish it could all be
slowed to a pace more akin to a snail’s than a cheetah’s, but in comparison to
the world we live in…my children are actually w-a-y behind their peers. We live in a world where it is
encouraged for children to grow up REALLY, REALLY FAST. Seven year olds with cell phones? Toddlers dressed like mini-adults? First graders with boyfriends or
girlfriends? Ten year olds watching
shows for/about teenagers? And where did
the whole concept of the “tween” years come from?!?!?!?!? A nine or ten year old is NOT a teenager and is not ready for teenage things.
I
am always sad when I see little girls dressed in tight fitting shirts with
short shorts, or young children with their faces in their electronic devices at
the park, or television shows and video games that glorify teenage angst and
disrespect and violence marketed to kids (or marketed to anyone else for that matter).
My
children are innocent, ignorant, and youthful compared to most kids their ages. They have no cell phones or laptops or I-pads
(not even my 14 ½ year old). They are
not permitted to watch television or play most video games. Those that they do play are very closely
monitored and supervised. My children
dress like children, they play with play-doh together and read picture books
together (well not so much the 14 year old and 11 year old anymore...), but they do all still ask for permission to do things like play outside
in the front yard, make a phone call (on the home phone) to a friend, watch a
movie from our collection of parent-approved DVD’s, even get a snack in the
afternoon, etc…. And even though my kids have healthy restrictions in life and must respect the rules Tim and I have laid down for them- they are not unhappy. They are not angry or frustrated. They don't feel like they are missing out. They are too busy enjoying their childhoods to worry about what they might be missing.
I
don’t want my kids to grow up too fast.
And it is not because I selfishly love that sweet baby stage when my
little ones light up at the mere sight of me and still believe I am right about
everything and still trust in me completely (though, of course, I do love that
stage). It is not because the thought of
my babies growing up and leaving my home and going off into the big, bad world
all on their own both terrifies and pains me to the point of tears (though if I
think about it all too much, it does).
It is not because I still remember that moment when I first looked into
each of their newborn eyes and vowed I would cherish every moment with them, while
the reality is I am often too busy and distracted to cherish every moment and to remember to be
grateful for every day. I don’t
want to someday look back and realize I’ve missed my chance to be the perfect
mother because my children are all grown and now it is too late. But that is not why I want my children to grow up slowly.
No,
I want my children to be allowed a nice long childhood because it is such a fleeting
time. Adulthood lasts a long time (God
willing) and once their innocence is gone our children can never have it
back. I want to allow my kids to enjoy
the gift that their childhood is. I want
them to be able to play and live and grow (at their own pace) without
the pressure of dealing with adult issues and grown-up concepts before they are
ready.
What's
more-- I want my children to believe in a world where families are still
important and adults are respectable and responsible. I want them to live in a world where the
Bible means something and Our Church provides our moral compass, where things
like respect and obedience and humility and all virtues are seen as good and important. As long as they are young, as long as they
live under my roof, as long as they are not always striving to be more mature than
they really are- I can allow my children the opportunity to enjoy these gifts.
Someday they will know about all the evils of this world that, right now, I want
to shield them from forever. Someday, I'm sure, they will be attached to smart phones and aware of worldly attitudes and twisted
belief systems based on relativism and selfishness.
I
know I cannot shelter my children forever.
I know it would be wrong to even try, but I pray they will be allowed
the opportunity to grow up and mature s-l-o-w-l-y, in their own time, not in our
culture’s timetable of life at warp speed ready to push ahead and skip the
simple innocent days of youth.
I loved this post. So much wisdom! I too want my children to enjoy their childhoods, but I think it is a bit more of a challenge when they go to school outside of the home...even Catholic school! Mary went to a friend's house after school one day (a special treat b/c we do not attend a Parish school b/c our Parish does not have one) and when I went to pick her up around 5 PM...she was wearing make-up and nail polish. Now, it's not the end of the world...and she isn't allowed make-up and nail polish at home...but when your child's friend is the youngest of 5 and three of those are older sister's that she shares a bedroom with...well, you see where this is headed. I just tried not to make a big deal about it...asking her if she had fun as I wiped the garish green off her eyelids and purple off her nails!!! :) I didn't even discuss why we don't wear make-up at age 8...I figure she won't be over there again this year (it was an after-school birthday party), but my I totally understand your post. Often, Mary Catherine comes home giggling about "justin beiber" or "Selena Gomez"...but b/c some older girls on the playground were talking about them...but she doesn't even know who they are!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't get me started on the "tweens"...saw a library book that defined the "tween" as ages "8-12". Excuse me...my 8-year old is NOT a tween!!! grrrrr
Good post!
Val,
DeleteI bet it is harder when the kids are in school and exposed everyday to kids who come from a variety of backgrounds. Even in our Catholic home schooling group their are a lot of other families who allow their children a lot more freedom and options than I allow. But, it does help that my children don't see those kids every single day.
Unfortunately, parents like you and I, who want to cherish and protect our children's innocence for as long as possible, seem to be in the minority so we are fighting a battle. Being counter-cultural is hard. So many people look at these things - the "tween" era and the television shows that degrade families and little girls wanting to wear "sexy" clothes and make-up- as no big deal but it can all add up to very big problems, at least, in my mind.
Can you tell this is another one of those issues I feel very strongly about? Sorry, if I am rambling on. I just hate seeing our children losing the chance to BE children.
I will pray for Mary Catherine to be blessed with a few wonderful friends from like minded families who will encourage her to be comfortable being the beautiful LITTLE girl she is. This is what I pray for my girls too. :-)
God Bless, Kari