Opening up...

            What purpose does blogging have in my life?  I have pondered this question over my years of blogging, coming to different conclusions at different times.  

Sometimes, I blog to share my stories.  

Sometimes, to indulge my love of writing.  

Sometimes, to evangelize. 

Sometimes, to process and make sense of things in my life. 

Sometimes, to record family memories. 

Sometimes, to connect with others.  

Once in a while, I have wondered if I blog for other reasons- ones that are not so honorable.  Sometimes I wonder if I blog for attention.   

For recognition.  For validation.  

I always try, in my blogging, to think before I post though.  Whatever the motivation for the post, I try to be guarded with my words.  I try to be careful and deliberate with what I say and how I say it.  I try to remember that what I am posting will be forever available for the world to see.  Even if I remove a post I cannot guarantee that the words are gone. After all, it takes only a second for someone to hit “copy” and then “paste”, saving my words.  It is possible my words could come back to haunt me.  So I am careful.  I am guarded.  I make sure to be vague at times, and unspecific about details and to keep the internet world at arm’s length.

But, lately I wonder if maybe my prudence is not so necessary.  If maybe it would be okay to be a little more forthcoming, a little more honest and open.  I wonder if I should reveal, here on the internet, more of my struggles and more of my family’s challenges.  

It has been a hard couple of weeks.  I have been feeling frustrated with life, and sad, and scared.  I have struggled but I have “put on a happy face” on my blog.  

Not wanting to be negative, or whiny, or too open, I have hidden my fears and posted nothing but fluff.  

But here it is—my family is once again facing unemployment.  Once again, we wonder, what does God have planned for us next?  Once again, we look ahead to nothing but uncertainty….   It has been a year of struggle as Tim realized very early on in his teaching career, that, really, teaching was not his calling in life.  It was not something he enjoyed particularly.  And the day-to-day struggle to share his love of our Catholic faith with bored, disengaged middle schoolers has taken its toll.  So though he really is ready to move on, neither of us knows just what that might mean.  

We are a little scared and a little curious about what the future might hold, but, most of all, a whole lot worn out from it all…..